My Days In A Mansion
by Jammin Saladtard
Summary: Ayane won a deed to a mansion. She moves in with the other 3 Ninja's, but Hayate becomes a acoholic, Ryu becomes a pervert, and Kasumi's just Kasumi. As if matters couldn't get worse, people keep asking to live there with them. First Fanfic.
1. First Day Of Hell

I don't own any bit of this. Except for the story idea

It was midnight at Hayate's house. when all of a sudden. "Hayate! WAKE UP DAMMIT! I GOT THIS!" Ayane yelled out, bursting through the door. Hayate woke up. "What the hell do you have that could POSSIBLY be important enough to awake me up at this late at night?" Hayate asked angrily. "Well, first off, it's not late. Second off, we got a mansion!" Ayane shouted with glee. Hayate smiled. "HELL YES! NOW I CAN SMOKE MY BON- I mean, fight off deadly demons and save the world. And then expect to return to the mansion!" Hayate yelled out. "Well, I got the deed. And it seems were moving tommorow." Ayane said.

They all packed their things and got on a bus. And got on. "So, what do you expect the mansion to be like?" Ryu asked Ayane. "Well, apparently...it's 7 bed rooms, 9 bathrooms, 3 living rooms, and 1 big ass dining room." Ayane explained. Hayate raised his finger. Ayane, sensing his question already, answered. "And yes, there will be beers in the fridge." Ayane answered. Hayate lowered it, and raised it again. "Yes, I still do have your coccai- I mean, Coca Cola." Ayane answered again.

When they arrived, they all stepped off the bus, and into the mansion. Hayate threw his suitcase over into the corner, and ran out. "Where's he going?" Kasumi asked, worried about her little brother. "Well, I went on this mission with him..."

Flashback

A Rogue-Ninja went away from the village. Hayate was waiting in the trees, and so was Ayane. Ayane threw a dagger in the man's back, making him fall. Hayate went out of the trees, and knocked him out. He saw he had a bottle of vodka. Normally, Hayate would never drink this, but he decided to have one sip. And then bam. He drunk it all in one swig. Ayane quickly hopped out of the trees, grabbing the vodka. She tried to check if there was any more, but there was none. Alas, Ayane was a Acoholic. She slammed the beer bottle over Hayate's head. "Fuckin' baka. Drunk up all my Vodka!"

Flashback over

"So we returned him to the village, being a acoholic." Ayane explained. Kasumi sighed, knowing that now she had a ALCOHOLIC brother trying to kill her. "What kind of bar do you think he's at?" Kasumi asked. "The Strip." Ayane answered. That word echoed throughout Kasumi's mind. A knock on the door came. Ayane answered the door. It was a man in silver hair. "Uh...can I live you?" The man asked. Ayane twitched, and shut the door. He knocked again. This time, Kasumi answered. "My name's Dante, and I need a place to live before it becomes fall. So, if you could...Just PLEASE...let me stay?" He begged Kasumi. Sensing she was more sincere then her half sister. "Oh alright..." Kasumi said, letting him go in. Dante went upstairs, and chose his bedroom. "Did you actually let him in?" Ayane asked. "Yeah...he seems like a nice guy. I looked outside, he has a car." Kasumi said. "So I have an idea."

Kasumi walked through his door. "Hey, uh...can we borrow your car?" She asked. "Yeah. But I'm driving." Dante said. He got inside the car, starting it up. Ayane was about to get in the front seat, but Dante pointed his thumb back, and said, "OH NO, your gettin' in the backseat." Dante said. Ayane hissed at him, going into the backseat. Kasumi got in the backseat too. "Where to?" Dante asked. "The strip." Ayane ordered. "Woah." Dante said. "No funny ideas. We're just going to get my brother, and lea- wait, where's Ryu?" Ayane asked. The girls then screamed as hard as they could. "Do you think...he may be..." Kasumi began. "A...A...A...Pervert?!" Ayane screamed out.

At the strip

"We need to get in." Ayane told the security guard. "How old are you?" The Guard asked. "...Six-t-" Dante covered her mouth. "Twenty-Three." Dante then pointed at Kasumi. "She's Twenty-Four. I'm Twenty-Two" He lied through his teeth. But the guard was stupid enough to believe him. They went in. "What the hell was that for?" Ayane asked rather angrily. "Didn't you read the sign? Age 21 and up." Dante explained, still arguing with her. "I see Hayate. ...And Ryu." Kasumi announced. "Where are they?" Ayane asked. "Well, it looks like Hayate only came for the beer. But Ryu..." Kasumi pointed at Ryu, who was sitting front row at the "Show"

"Ryu...what are you guys doing here?" Kasumi asked. "Hayate came for the Jagermeister, I came for the ass." Ryu said. "Oh my god...I never thought you, of all people, would stoop to such a low like this!" Kasumi yelled out. "Well...what are you doing in a strip club?" Ryu asked. "Asshole." Ayane said, as she dragged Ryu out of the Strip. Kasumi walked over to the bar, and dragged Hayate out. They threw Hayate into the backseat, and Ryu into the front seat. "You know...I didn't really mean that Ayane...I just wanted to piss your sister off, but...I love you." Ryu was lying. Badly. "Oh, don't worry about it my little Ry- HOLD ON! There's NO WAY, your sleeping with me again!" Ayane yelled out. 'God dammit, why did I have to get drunk on that Christmas party?' Ayane thought to herself. Dante jumped into the car. "Dammit, why do I have to be sitting next to the guy who might rape me?" Dante asked. "Because, he'll to get into my clothes. And we can't have a drunkard behind the wheel. So shut up." Ayane said. Dante grumbled, driving back over to the house. Ayane tied Ryu in a chair, and kicked him down the basement. "We had a basement?" Ryu asked. "Oh, I forgot to mention, we have 2 basements." Ayane said. "Where's Hayate?" Ryu asked. "Well, I was about to throw him down here too. But, Kasumi didn't want me too and wanted me to leave him with her for Rehab." Ayane explained, as she shut the door. "God, it's lonely down here..." Ryu said to himself.

"What did you do?" Dante asked. "I threw him down in the basement." Ayane answered. "Hmmm...well let me finish..." Dante said, pulling out a match, opening the door, and dropping it down there. He then proceeded by pouring oil on the match, causing the basement to burn. Dante closed the basement door and put a lock on it. "Nice." Ayane said, as she put another lock on it. "I think I can do better." Dante chained up the windows to prevent it from being opened. "Even better." Ayane said, as she cut down a tree, and blocked the window from being a passage way. Also cutting off light in the basement. For they didn't have a light switch down there. "Pretty good." Dante admitted. And walked away. Ryu on the other hand, wasn't so lucky. His chair started to catch on fire, burning his ass. "OH SHIT!" He yelled out.

Meanwhile, in Kasumi's room...

"Alright...I'mma put this bottle of Vodka here, and don't drink it." Kasumi said, putting a bottle of beer on her bed. Hayate looked at the beer, and instantly grabbed it, and drunk it. "Dammit..." Kasumi sighed. "Let me help." Dante said, walking into the room. He put a bottle of Jagermeister on the bed. "Now don't touch it." Dante said. "Why not?" Hayate asked. "OR ELSE I'LL POP YOU IN THE MOTHER FUCKING HEAD." Dante said, pointing a gun at Hayate's head.

Meanwhile, at a bar...

"Give me whiskey." Ayane told the bartender. "On the rocks." "I'm sorry, but we only take rupees." "SHIT!"

Ayane went back home, angered. Everyone was preparing to face her wrath.


	2. Flashbacks, Bongs, Ryu On Fire Oh My!

This story is not owned by me. Well, the idea was, but the characters aren't.

Everything seemed to be going well in the hellish mansion. Ryu on fire, Hayate about to get his head blown off, Ayane pissed off because she couldn't get a beer, Kasumi was trying to put a smile on her face, and Dante, well...was just being Dante. Another knock came on the door. Kasumi ran downstairs, and greeted the man at the door.

"Please...let me stay with you..." The blond haired man asked. He was dressed in Green. Kasumi slammed the door shut. Meanwhile, Ayane came back angered. And the man in green left. "Great...nobody to greet me." Ayane said to herself. "Hello Aya-" Kasumi was cut off when she went down the stairs. "SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH." Ayane yelled. "Woah...stern attitude eh?" Dante asked Ayane, leaning on a wall. "Shut the hell up..."Ayane said, pulling out a tanto and aiming it at Dante's throat.

Another knock came on the door. "I wonder who that could be." Ayane said deviously. She kicked open the door. The blond haired man was there again. "My name is Link, Hero Of Time. I shall give you 20 rupees to live in your hou-" He was cut off by Ayane who then said, "KTHNXBAI." And grabbed the Rupees while heading to the bar. "I have 20 rupees. Now give me my damn beer." She ordered. "Alright. You seem to have the money." He accepted, as he gave her the beer.

Later That Night...

Ayane stumbled onto the doorstep, and fell over as soon as she got into the house. Kasumi went down stairs, hearing the door being opened. "...Look who decided to finally show up." She said, looking at her pathetically drunk sister. "Let me guess. Too many beers?" Dante said, going downstairs. "I don't know. But she definatly does look a bit passed out." Kasumi admitted. "I know, my sister does have her idiocy sometimes." "I've been there before. My brother thought he had more fangirls then me. But he went to hell knowing he didn't...I kept his amulet, and kept on cursing at it for knowing my brother's hatred is in it." Dante admitted himself. "And who the hell is this guy?" He questioned, pointing at Link. "God dammit. I'm the fuckin' Hero Of Ti-" Link was cut off by Dante. "Yeah yeah, this whole 'Hero Of Time Prophecy' Bullshit." Dante insulted. Link grumbled heavily

"Say, where's Ryu?" Kasumi asked. She heard an explosion in the basement. She ran down there, seeing the whole basement on fire. "GOOD GOD!" She yelled out. Dante quickly grabbed the fire extinguisher. "DO SOMETHING!" Kasumi yelled. Dante proceeded by bashing the fire extinguisher on Ryu's head. "Not that!" Kasumi yelled once again. "SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Ryu said, on fire. Kasumi swiped the fire extinguisher out of Dante's hand and put the fire around Ryu out. She then put the rest of the fire out. "My god! Who the hell burned you?" Kasumi asked. Ryu pointed at Dante. "No I didn't. It was that blond haired kid." Dante lied, pointing at Link. Sadly, Kasumi believed Dante. And Kasumi kicked Link out the window. Kicked him so hard in fact, his ass was bleeding. She jumped out the window, and put a collar on Link.

She chained the collar next to the mailbox. "Go get fucked." Kasumi told Link, and went inside. "Dammit! I'm the Hero Of Time! I expect better treatme-" Link was cut off, once again by Dante, who was driving his car from the driveway. Dante ran Link over. "Sorry bout' that. Fairy boy." And Dante drove off to get himself a 6 pack of beer.

"So sister, how did we do with the boys?" Kasumi asked. "Well, YOU tried to get Hayate to stop drinking beer by trying to do the nice bitchy way. However I, tied Ryu to a chair, and kicked him down the basement." Ayane answered. "So, in other words, good job?" Kasumi asked. "Yeah. I guess." Ayane shrugged. "So, how exactly did you get this mansion?" Kasumi asked very curiously. "Well...that's another long story..." Ayane began.

FlashBack

It was a very competitive game of Pool. Ayane's opponent, had all the balls knocked down. Ayane didn't even knock one down. Her oppenent striked the cueball hard. Sending the 8 ball into the hole. 'Fuck!' Ayane thought to herself. But then, the cue ball went into the other direction. Landing into the hole. "YES! IN YOUR FACE BITCH!" Ayane yelled out. Jumping on the pool table.

FlashBack Over

"Interesting. Do you also know how Ryu became a pervert?" Kasumi asked. "Yeah...about that. Remember the Christmas Party?" Ayane asked. "Yeah." Kasumi answered. "Well...funny story about that..."

ANOTHER FLASH BACK.

It was the Christmas Party of 2007. Ayane had a little bit of too much beers, and Ryu did too. "So, you wanna' go down to my apartment?" Ryu asked, very slowly. "Sure." Ayane responded. They opened the door, and walked drunkly out.

Flashback over.

"...And it all went to hell from there." Ayane explained. "Ouch." Kasumi said. They could smell something. "What's that smell?" Kasumi asked. "Smells like it's coming from Hayate's room." The girls ran upstairs, and they saw a truely horrifying sight.

Hayate passed out, with a bong near his head. "My god! We're too late!" Kasumi exclaimed, falling onto her knees. Dante came through the door. "Hey guys! I bought some more be- HOLY SHIT! Is that a bong?" Dante asked. "Yeah." Ayane answered. "Uh...I think I need to be in my room...alone...with the bong." Dante stuttered. "Why for?" Kasumi asked, sensing his desire to get high. "Uh...to investigate." Dante lied again. But both Ayane and Kasumi were stupid enough to believe him. Dante ran off quickly with the bong, and into his room. "Dammit, I just hope he doesn't smoke it. We don't need two druggies in this house." Kasumi growed worried over the condition of this house. Both Ayane and Hayate achoholics. Ryu a pervert set on fire. Hayate again, a druggie. Link, a guy who got hit by Dante's car. And Dante, what the hell is he anyway?


	3. Tengu the not so terrible

I do not own any bit of this. Except for the story idea. Yeah. But, if I did own it, then I would pretty much fuck up every series.

A strong wind was surrounding a graveyard. A demon appeared. He had a long nose, a SERIOUSLY long nose. "They...will pay. For mocking The Great Tengu..." Tengu said to himself.

At The House...

It was 7:00 P.M. Ryu had decided to take a walk around the mansion. When the wind had appeared infront of him. It was a strong wind. Tengu appeared out of the wind, tackling down Ryu. Tengu was about to devour Ryu's head, but Ryu kicked Tengu off, and lunged at him with his Dragon Blade. Tengu stuck his foot up, and delivered a kick to Ryu's face. Ryu was laying on the ground, his head bleeding from the impact. Tengu jumped on him, and was about to stomp on his face again. 'C'mon Ryu...think fast...think fast.' He thought to himself. 'Genious!' "RAPE!" He yelled. Dante kicked open his window, and dived out. "WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY ABOUT RAPE ON MY LAWN?!" He yelled. Dante dived onto Tengu, ripping off his nose. Both Ayane and Kasumi ran out to see the noise.

"Now, bend over and crack a smile." Dante said, kicking Tengu over. He then shoved the nose up his ass. "Holy shit! His nose has gunpowder in it! I'mma go get my fireworks!" Dante yelled out happily. "This is officially the best day ever." Ayane whispered to Kasumi. Dante grabbed the fireworks out of his room and dived out the window again. He lit off the fireworks on Tengu's nose. Which was also on his ass. "What can I do to shame you more?" Dante asked himself. "Ah, hey Kasumi, go get a ramp from Wal-Mart." Dante requested. Kasumi drove out into Wal-Mart.

7:30 P.M. Kasumi came back with the ramp. She put it infront of the house. "Now Dante, will you mind answering what the hell are you doing with that?" Kasumi asked. "Well, I'm going to jump over your house." Dante said proudly. He got onto Tengu, and road on him like a snowboard. "Get off The Great Tengu!" Tengu exclaimed. Dante rode up the ramp. Meanwhile, Hayate was sitting ontop of the rooftop. Dante slammed Tengu into Hayate. Dante picked up Hayate, and put him on Tengu. "What the hell do we do now?!" Hayate asked, fucked out of his mind. "Well...DO A BARELL ROLL." Dante ordered. "What?" Hayate asked. "A BARELL ROLL." He ordered again. Hayate pressed on Tengu's left side, doing a Barell roll. They slammed into a tree. Both Dante and Hayate fell down to the ground.

Tengu fell right next to them. "Enough of your childish games! You!" Tengu pointed at Dante. "I challenge you to a fight hand to hand." "Fine, but if I win, your my bitch. We fight at 11:00 P.M." Dante announced. "Fine, but if I win, I devour you, and your house mates!" Tengu yelled out.

11:00 P.M. They both met outside the back yard.

"Are you ready to lose?" Tengu taunted Dante. Dante put up his fist. "Bring it on...motherfucker." Dante taunted back. Tengu lunged at Dante. But Dante grabbed Tengu's head, and threw him onto the ground. He proceeded by stomping on the back of his head. "I need to take a picture of this!" Ayane yelled out, taking out her cell phone. "Say cheese!" Dante put up his middle finger to the phone. His foot was still on Tengu. Crushing his head. Dante let loose of Tengu, and dived towards him. He hung on to Tengu, who was shaking rapidly trying to get him off. Dante then bit on Tengu's head. "Who's devouring who now bitch?" Dante kept on punching on Tengu, and drop kicked off of him into a tree. Dante did a backflip in mid air and landed on the ground. Tengu, was not so lucky. He had the tree fall right onto his head. Tengu then flew at Dante, pushing the tree out of his face, trying to bite his head off. Ayane turned around and was about to get inside. But Dante sidestepped, and Tengu flew in the wrong direction.

Tengu had bit Ayane on the ass.

Tengu stayed frozen on Ayane's ass. Knowing that he was going to face the wrath of Ayane. Dante was laughing his ass off. While Ayane turned around. She grabbed Tengu by the throat, and started to choke him. She then threw Tengu on the ground, and stomped on his face. Ayane threw Tengu near Dante. "He's yours now. Make him suffer." She ordered. "No worries." He assured. Ayane went back inside, while Dante picked up Tengu. Dante threw Tengu into the air, and kicked him up higher. Dante jumped into the air, diving onto Tengu, driving him into the ground. Dante got out of the way, while the impact sent trees down onto Tengu. "I give! I give!" Tengu yelled out. "Woah. He didn't even get hit." Ryu was impressed.

12:00 A.M. "BITCH! GO MAKE MY DINNER!" Dante yelled. Tengu came downstairs, in a maid suit. He fixed Dante porkchops and steak. "Fucker, I do not see no Steak Sauce on my plate!" Dante pointed at the mistake with the pistol. Tengu sighed, and put A1 on Dante's plate. "Dammit! Not near the porkchops! Are you fuckin' deaf?" Dante started to make Tengu annoyed.

3:00 A.M. Dante unleashed Link, and then chained up Tengu. Link ran inside into his bed room in order to get his long lost rest. Dante went up into his room. Not forgetting the bong that he had saved up. He kicked open his door, and sat crisscross smoking the bong. Kasumi came through the room, witnessing the horror. "Dante! Quit smoking it!" Kasumi yelled out. Kicking Dante on the side of the head. Dante had regained conciousness, and realized in horror what he was doing. He was smoking herb. No, it wasn't a drug. But he knew he shouldn't be doing it. Especially from a bong.

7:00 A.M. "Why the hell were you smoking this?" Ryu confiscated Dante. "I-I-I Don't know. I was a heavy smoker after my parents died." Dante confessed. "Ah. Well then. I know exactly what to do." Hayate stepped in. He took Dante's pistol and pointed it at his head. He then laid out a bag of marijuana on the table. "Don't smoke that ganja!" Hayate yelled out. "Why not?" Dante asked. "OR ELSE I'MMA POP YOU IN THE HEAD!" Hayate yelled. "Fail. You don't know how to do it." Dante had insulted Hayate. "Dammit." Hayate went away in sadness. "Alright then. Dante, I forbid you from seeing this marijauna." Ryu said, as he unleashed a ninpo attack on the marijuana causing it to burn up. Dante screamed in horror.

9:00 A.M. "So, your life's pretty damn terrible. Eh?" Ayane taunted Dante. "Don't worry. For the hero of time shal-" Dante pointed his gun at the Kokirian. "If you don't shut the fu-" The doorbell rang. Link rushed to go get it, while Dante sat sobbing and Ayane was reading a magazine for ninjas (Woah! They actually have those?). Link opened the door, and was greeted by a shotgun to the head. He was shotgun whipped by a man in glasses. Behind him came a man in armor, and a woman with a strange gun. "We're your neighbors. My name's Master Cheif. His name's Gordon Freeman, her's is Chell." Master Cheif greeted. "I'm starting to like these guys already...they hate Link as much as I do." Dante whispered to Ayane. "You." Master Cheif pointed at Dante. "I don't like the looks of you."

"And who the hell are you? Answer me before I rip that armor off, and shoot your crotch. Then I'm going to post a video of it on Youtube." Dante threatend. "OH GOD!" Master Cheif yelled out, running towards the couch in a fetal position. "...You can go so far, with fear." Ayane complimented. "You can also go so far with a barell roll." Dante mentioned. "Speaking of which, I have to find your half-brother. I need to teach him to use a barell roll." "Going from the herb to a mentor? Now your a role model for children. Woo Fucking Hoo." Ayane insulted. "Dammit! I'm the Hero Of Ti-" "Going from hero to a man being drove over by a car. Now your a real role model for the prostitutes. Boo Fucking Hoo."Ayane insulted again, going for Link this time. She was in a awful mood today...


	4. Newcomer: ? and the Trench

I do not own any bit of this, for I own this idea. BUT, I don't own the characters.

Dante walked outside the front door, to see Hayate laying on the ground. "Wake the fuck up! Today you will learn a barell roll." Dante kicked Hayate on the shoulder. "Fuck! Dammit what the hell did I say about waking me up after a full night of vodka and whiskey?!"Hayate yelled out, biting Dante's boot. A man with a mullet approached Dante in camoflauge, sneaking on the ground. He held out his tranquilizer, shooting Dante in the throat. Dante fell over, on top of Hayate. The man then snuck into the house, Ayane looked at the door open. But there was no one there.

The mullet man then slid across the wall, going near Ryu's room. Ryu, was listening to his MP3 player, when he heard someone's foot prints. Ryu looked at the door, but there was no one there. The mullet man knew it was going pretty risky. So he added on sticky palms on his gloves. And he crawled across the ceiling. Kasumi felt something on the ceiling, and looked outside. But there was nothing there. He snuck into Kasumi's room, while she was outside. Kasumi had gone down for a Dr. Pepper drink, while The mullet man snuck through her panty drawer. When all of a sudden, everyone in the room appeared. "Panty-stealer!" Ayane yelled out. "Dammit! These aren't at all mini-Metal Gear's! This is an insult to me, my family, AND my mullet!" The man yelled. "Oh wait, who the hell are you guys?" Snake questioned, turning around to see them all standing there, but Link.

"We're ninja's, we all know what you were doing, you panty-napper!" Hayate yelled at the theif. "My name's Solid Snake, and I thought Metal Gear's were in here!" Snake exclaimed. "And he doesn't even look remotely close to a ninja!" Snake yelled out, pointing at Dante. "He had training." Ayane explained. "And what the hell are Metal Gears?" Ryu asked. "They are nuclear weapons of destruction." Snake explained. "Well, my name's Ryu. That's Hayate, Ayane, Dante, and Kasumi."Ryu introduced. "Hey, I never knew your names!" Link exclaimed, walking through the room. "That's because we hated the very sight of you. Dumb shit." Dante explained, once again proving that everyone hated him. "I thought you guys were all busy." Snake wondered. "Well, decoys. Ninja's can do that. You can't, because your made of pure fail." Hayate answered. "Well, Hayate, your learning your Internets."

After 12 hours of arguing, they finally decided to let Snake into the house. "Hmm...what a week. Tengu becoming Dante's bitch, new set of neighbors, and now a new guy moving in." Ayane mentioned, throwing darts at a target in her room. Ryu meanwhile, was taking a shit while reading a playboy magazine "Heh heh...yeah.". Hayate was out drinking beer as usual "So I tell em'...go buy ur own condamzzzz." Before passing out. And Dante was beating the shit out of Tengu, while forcing him to remember all of the names from the Air Gear Anime. "Itsuki Minami...Agito/Akito/Lind Wanijima...uh...Ringo I forget whats her last nam- OW! My nose!". Kasumi was out buying more Dr. Pepper. "Dammit, it's so addictive!". Snake was watching a war movie "Dammit! Fire that M64 Recoiless Rifle! Blow up that tank!". While Link was busy playing Ocarina of Time. "Dammit! Where the hell do I get that red tunic!". "Yep, what a family..." Ayane said to herself, sighing. "I think I'mma soothe my troubles with a couple of drinks."

It was 10:00 P.M. and the electricity went out. "Dammit! Right when I was about to pwn Ganon with my Biggorin sword!" Link spat out. Everyone met up in the hallway. But they couldn't see a thing. "Dammit! Who the hell is grabbing my ass?!" Ayane yelled out. Let me rephrase that. No one could see in the dark, but Ryu. Ryu then saw Kasumi coming close to her sis, and Ryu took advantage of that, grabbing Kasumi's ass too.

Dante moved towards downstairs, still not seeing a fucking thing. He fell down the stairs, cursing everytime he touched a step. "Shit! Fuck! Damn! Ass! Bitch! Bastard! Fucker! Dammit! Tom Cruise!" "What the hell do we do?" Snake asked, putting on his night vision. He saw Ryu grabbing Ayane and Kasumi's asses. "I uh...think I know who's grabbing your ass now." Snake said, pointing at Ryu. "Who?" Ayane asked. "Ryu." Snake said, as both Ayane and Kasumi lunged onto Ryu, pushing him down the stairs onto Dante. "SON OF A BITCH!" Dante yelled out. Both Kasumi and Ayane began punching Ryu in the face.

11:30 P.M. The Electricity came on. Dante went down the "Other Basement" Which everyone hadn't seen before. The stairs slid underneath Dante, causing him to fall off the stairs. "MOTHERFUCKER!" He yelled, as he fell down the stairs face first. Ayane opened the door to see what was the commotion, when she fell down the stairs and fell on Dante. "GOD DAMMIT!" Dante yelled, as he was certainly having bad luck with stairs. Ayane got up and looked at the basement. It was dank and dark, but still visible. It was a whole tunnel. There were 3 passage ways. And a giant robotic synth looking creature was headed their way. Ayane heard it and got down. "Fuck...my back is killin-" Dante was cut off by Ayane covering his mouth. "Sssh, we're not alone...moron." She whispered. The synth looking creature came out of the tunnel, hearing Dante's voice. 'What the hell is that thing?" Ayane thought to herself. She looked closely on the creature, there was a writing on it. It said Property of the Combine. 'Combine? What the hell are the Combine?' Ayane thought to herself.

11:34 P.M. Soldier's came into the room. "No sign of human life in this vicinity. The Combine shall kill them and take over the mansion and then get welfare." The combine was talking on a radio. "...No..." Ayane said to herself, coming out of the cover, grabbing one Combine by the head, then crushing it. She threw the shattered Combine into the other Combine, knocking him out. The synth creature dove towards her, but She grabbed the synth creature by the head, and smashed it into the ground. "Wow...What a Woman!" A small little voice called out. "Who the hell was that?" Ayane asked grumpily. A squirell came out of a shadow. "My name's Conker." The squirell introduced. "Well...I think I'mma call you furry little bastard. Because I hate you already." Dante introduced. "My name's Dante." "I know already. I lived here ever since this mansion was built." Conker admitted. "Well then, at any rate, let's disguise ourselves in their clothing!" Ayane thought to herself. It was a brilliant plan.

Sorry it's a bit of a short chapter. I'm working on the 5th chapter and it'll be KICK ASS.


	5. We saved the world From our house

I do not own any bit of this. Except for the story idea. But if I did own it...that's a different story.

They were dressed in Combine suits. While Conker had ran off to warn the rest of the household members. "Dammit...this suit is really making my crotch itch." Dante complained. "Speak for yourself, this suit wasn't made for D-Cups!" Ayane complained. They went through the tunnels until they came to a stop with a huge door with three triangles surrounding it. "This looks like..." Dante was trying to piece it together. "It can't be..." Ayane told herself. They were standing at the door of the Triforce. Dante pulled the door open. But what they found in there was a huge shock. Not only was the Triforce in there, but the Master Sword was too. Dante walked up to the platform, and took a firm grip around the Master Sword, and pulled it out of it's pedestel. "Another one of the keepers?" A dark voice called out. In walked a Gerudian who had a dark aura around him. "That means you can't be one of the Combine." He figured out their disguises. "Hand it over..." The man put his hand out. "Oh wait, how foolish of me to not introduce myself...My name is Ganondorf. And like I said, hand it over or I WILL kill you..." Ganondorf threatened and introduced at the same time.

Dante looked at the blade and looked back at Ganondorf. "You know what Ganondorf? I want some of what your on. There's no way in hell I'm giving a opportunity like this to some sort of dickwad who want's to take over our house for that little bit of welfare. Shit, you'll probably burn the whole house down your so fucking dumb." Dante insulted him. "Fine...if you want to play it that way..." Ganondorf held up his hand. Both Dante and Ayane's disguises were diminished and their true selves were revealed. Ganondorf found out both of their identities. "Hmmm...Son of Sparda Dante? Daughter of Raidou Ayane?" "Great...now this bastard knows who we are." Ayane was both angered and suspicious. Dante charged Ganondorf, aiming the Master Sword at his sternum. But Ganondorf took the blade, and swinged Dante with it into a wall. "Fine, you REALLY want to fight?" Dante taunted, taking out both Agni and Rudra. Both of them were connected together. "Look brother! Ligh-" Agni was cut off by Dante. "Will you shut the fuck up?" Dante grumbled at his two annoying blades. Ganondorf laughed at Dante. Dante had about enough of this Gerudian asshole, so he dived towards him. Managing to strike Agni and Rudra into his chest. "Now! Hold there!" Dante yelled at Agni and Rudra. "Don't worry Master! We will hold onto him like crabs hold onto pubi-" Agni was cut off by Dante firing a gun shot near Agni, but instead it landed on Ganondorf's chest. "W-w-w-what the hell is that?" Ganondorf was shocked at the wound. "It's called guns. Dumbshit." Dante insulted. Ayane ran past Dante, diving onto Ganondorf with her Tanto drawn out. She jumped into the air, stabbing the Gerudian with the Tanto in the chest. Much in the same fashion as Agni and Rudra. Ganondorf spat out blood, and fell down to the ground. Dante jumped into the air with the Master Sword drawn out, and impaled Ganondorf through the head. Ganondorf had turned into stone. "And stay down! Motherfucker!" Dante yelled out, as he ripped the blade off of Ganondorf's now stone body. Agni and Rudra flew out and back into Dante's weapon pouch and Ayane grabbed her trusty Tanto out of his stomach. "Well now...I guess there's only one other thing to do..." Dante said as he pulled out the Triforce. A beam of light carried both Dante and Ayane out of the basement, and into the kitchen. Everyone was there. Link however, went bat shit when he saw Dante with the Triforce and the Master Sword. "WHAT THE FUCK?! THAT WAS RESERVED FOR ME!"

Link jumped onto the table, cursing a storm.

8:00 P.M. Everyone in their room had a computer, and they spoke in IM.

Hayate: Okay, so everybody here?

Kasumi: Everybody but Ryu.

Link: Dammit! I'm the hero of time! I deserve better treatment then this!

Dante: Shut the fuck up, I got the Triforce and the Master Sword before you did, so just shove that little green cap up your ass.

Snake: Why do I have a mullet?

Ayane: Well, everybody better thank me and Dante for saving your asses.

Conker: Hey guys!

Dante: How the hell did you get on here?

Conker: I have a laptop. Dipshit.

Dante: Hey, shut the fuck up or else I'mma come over there and rip your little furry cock off.

Conker: Make me bitch.

Kasumi: That's enough you two.

Ryu: SPAM

Ryu: SPAM

Ryu: SPAM

Ryu: SPAM

Dante: Shut the fuck up!

Ryu: SPAM

Ryu: SPAM

Ryu: I'M USING AUTO TYPE LOL

Ryu: I'M USING AUTO TYPE LOL

Ryu: SPAM

Ryu:SPAM

Ayane: Dammit, massive lag.

Ryu: SPAM

Ryu: SPAM

Ryu: SPAM

(Dante has hacked Ryu's account and banned him.)

Hayate: Dammit! Your a genious!

Link: Why is he always the hero?

Ayane: Thank god.

Kasumi: Remind me to keep Ryu banned.

Snake: WHY?! ZOMFG WHY DO I HAVE THIS MULLET?!

(Tengu has joined the server)

Dante: SON OF A BITCH!

Tengu: Hai guyz...can i play star warz?

Dante: Get off the damn chat.

Conker: I second that.

Tengu: no fairz...:(

Kasumi: You tried to kill us last time!

Ayane: Get the fuck off my Internets.

(Ryu has come back onto the server)

(Dante has banned Ryu off the server)

(Ryu has come back onto the server)

(Dante has banned Ryu off the server)

(Ryu has come back onto the server)

(Dante has banned Ryu off the server)

(Ryu has come back onto the server)

(Dante has banned Ryu off the server)

(Ryu has come back onto the server)

(Dante blew up Ryu's Internets)

Snake: I'm crying right now because of my mullet.

Dante: Dammit, I'm a hero!

Link: No your not! Your just a imitation of me except now in red robes!

Kasumi: STFU Link. Your not a hero, your the one who burned Ryu!

Link: I did not do that!

Dante: Yeah, you did.

(Dante has banned Link from the server)

Hayate: I need a beer.

(Hayate has temporaily logged out)

Tengu: gaiz...dont 4get bout me... :(

Dante: Shut the fuck up.

(Dante has banned Tengu from the server)

Snake: Now I've finally gotten over my great mullet depression...

Dante: Bout' damn time. I thought I was gonna' have to ban you.

Conker: Say, who the hell took my N64?

Dante: I think that was the self proclaimed "Hero Of Time" Link.

Conker: Ah, thanks mate. I'mma go beat that little fairy pussy to a bloody pulp!

(Conker has logged out)

Ayane: What the hell is up with that freaky little squirell thing anyway?

Kasumi: Hell if I know, but it looks pretty damn cute!

Ayane: You always fall for cute things.

Kasumi: I can't help it.

Ayane: Christmas is coming soon.

Kasumi: OMFGZ. It's supposed to be snowing soon.

(Hayate has logged back in)

Hayate: You know, I kind of like this whole "Computer thing.". We never had this back home!

Ayane: No shit. We lived in a non-electricity powered village.

Hayate: Oh...

Kasumi: Yeah, you were probably on too much vodka to notice.

(Ryu has hacked into the server)

Ryu: Hey, Ayane and Kasumi. Wanna' cyber?

Dante: Dammit! Everyone! Code 102, log off the computer, NOW!

(Everyone but Ryu is now logged out)

(Chell has logged in)

Ryu: ...Wanna' cyber?

9:00 P.M.

Everyone met outside. They were going to have one final camping trip before winter.

Dante had brought his acoustic guitar. "I have a song I want to share with you all!"

He started strumming slowly.

_Sometimes...Life kicks you in the nuts hard_

_Sometimes, so hard it makes you wanna' shart._

_Sometimes...You just gotta' go and make that one blowjob worth it._

_Sometimes...mmmm...sometimes...you gotta' just know that nobody gives a shit..._

Dante had stop strumming, put away his acoustic, and took out a Lyon Bass guitar. He then began screaming his lyrics.

_SOMETIMES...You gotta'...make it happen..._

_SOMETIMES...You gotta' be wappin'..._

_SOMETIMES...You gotta' be rockin'..._

_SOMETIMES...You gotta' be fuckin'..._

_SOMETIMES...You gotta' be suckin'..._

At this point, Ayane had enough, and punched Dante in the nose, and tore the Guitar to shreds. She then took the acoustic guitar, and threw it into the camp fire. She sat there twitching to herself. "Well then, I guess it's finally time for everybody to consider themselves a family. Except for you, Tengu." Kasumi offered. "Well then, we're all one spiritual family. We have a demon hunter, 4 ninja's, one Military Freak, and a misunderstood hero."

Going back from the trip, Dante had tied down Tengu onto the car, as if he was luggage. He put Link in the trunk, and got into the car. Ayane, Kasumi, and Hayate were cramped sitting with Snake. They drove home after 9 hours of arguing and gas stops. Dante opened the trunk, and dragged Link out. "Dammit! I am the hero of ti-" He was put to sleep by Snake who injected him with a syringe filled with tranquilizer. Link had fell asleep without struggle.

5 Days Later...

It was the starting of winter. Ryu went outside to go and check the mail, when he noticed a snow flake. Then another, and another. Kasumi realized this, and ran outside in a santa claus suit. Except her pants, were a mini-skirt. She bent over to pull weeds out of the lawn, exposing her panties. Ryu held up his hand, getting ready to smack her ass, when all of a sudden... "What are you planning to do with that hand?" Asked Ayane, leaning across the garage. Ryu stopped, 'Think...think..think...GENIOUS!' He thought to himself. "Oh, uh...raising my hand for a high five!" "Fine enough." Ayane said, walking into the house. "Damn...that was close..." Ryu said to himself. "Hey Kasumi, what ever happened to the Combine?" Ryu asked. "Well, Snake took care of that problem..." Kasumi said deviously.

In the basement, there were gattling guns used for defense. Combine Guards rushed in, but the Gattling gun killed them all. And some dude that was nude.

"So, basically, we have security turrets, Military Guards, and nude guys running through our basements?" "Yep." "Talk about fucked up."

This whole story was fucked up, to be frank.

Ayane had gotten back on her computer, and checked her email. One very obscure email.

To: Ayane

From: Ninja High

Back to school starting! Make sure you bring your pencil utensils, because it's the end of high school! Make sure you prepare for college, because that's where it will REALLY bite your ass! Have a good day, and remember, it isn't always as bad as seems! Never try to leave those gates, even if they seem open. Seriously, we had this one guy try to escape from school. He got raped by a pedobear. Me and the school counciler watched and laughed. See you soon!

Ayane screamed as loud as she could. The thing was though, she was not alone. The whole cast would have to finish school. Except for Tengu.

End of chapter. Next one coming up soon.


	6. You didn't save the world TIME PARADOX

I own nothing. NOTHING. You hear me? I said NOTHING. Okay, let's run down the copyrights. I DO NOT OWN,

Property of Tecmo:

Kasumi

Ayane

Ryu Hayabusa

Hayate

Property of Capcom:

Dante

Property Of Konami:

Snake and Otacon. Oh, and the Konami Code I guess...

Property of Nintendo:

Link

Property of Valve:

Combine

Property of Bethestha

That Guy In Fallout And Dogmeat

My properties:

The story idea. ...and that naked guy.

Is that good? Good. Now, on with the fucked up story!

Dante sat on the bus, bored as hell. "You know what? Fuck this." Dante told himself, jumping out of the window. Everyone else had followed. "Fuck this school, fuck that bus, and...where the fuck are we?" Dante asked. "Well, that was one hell of a plot twist." Ryu mentioned. They all were in a desert background. Hayate tripped on a metal device. He picked it up, and rubbed gently on it. He was teleported out of the air. "What the hell?" Kasumi was stunned. Snake had picked up. "Looks like...some kind of device that was used by the ancient civilizations." Snake's codec started to ring. "Hold on." Snake picked up his codec.

Snake: Otacon, what the fuck?!

Otacon: Did you find the Metal Gears Snake?

Snake: No, it was just a panty drawer.

Otacon: Oh. Well uh...awkward.

Snake: What's so awkward about that?

Otacon: Well, I found myself in somebodys panty drawers.

Snake: That's just because your obsessed with hentai.

(Otacon got offended and hung up)

Snake: Otacon? Otacon?! OTAAAAACOOOOON?!

Everybody was looking at Snake, wondering what the fuck was he doing. "Anyways..." Ryu said to himself, smiling and rubbing onto the metal device. He too got teleported.

Meanwhile where Hayate and Ryu are...

"Where am I?" Ryu asked. A helicopter swung by, shooting missles at Ryu. "Fuck!" Ryu shouted out, barely dodging the missles. He landed right next to Hayate's feet. "It looks as if we created a time paradox, and now we're in the future!" Hayate said to himself. "Eureaka! Even for a drunk I'm still a genious!" Hayate yelled out. Hayate looked around his surroundings. He noticed he was at home. At least in 30 years into the future that is. And his home was on fire. There was only one explanation. A post-apocalyptic nuclear war. A man exchanged his hand to pull Ryu up. "And who are you?" The man asked. "First, who are you?" Ryu asked back. "Even I don't know that name. Just call me a member of the Vault 101." "Ah, well then, the name's Ryu Hayabusa. This is my sidekick, Hayate." Ryu introduced. Hayate shrugged and rolled his eyes. They left the scene, where their house had discentigrated into flames. They went into a cave. It was bare, but it had fish cooking over a fire and a dog. "His name's dogmeat." The man said. Ryu licked his lips at the dog. "I can see why he's called Dogmeat. He looks fuckin' deli-" Hayate had slapped Ryu. "Shut the fuck up!" Hayate yelled out. "It's bad enough that we ended up in here as it is. Becareful not to kill ANYTHING." Hayate said. "So, how did this wind up?" Hayate said, pointing to a couple of bombs coming out of the cave. "Well...funny story about that...there were Combine Soildiers that took over that mansion that you were near. And well... they decided that after they had all that power...then they would start a war. The war ravaged on for 15 years. And bloodshed filled the ground. After that, everyone decided to rebel against the Combine. Ever since, there was a man named Dr. Breen. He tried to destroy the earth with this weird ass invention. All because the Combine wanted welfare. So he gave them the power of money. And The Combine dominated earth ever since. But Breen died, and the war is starting to look in our favor. The man who killed Dr. Breen was a man named Gordon Freeman. But even we don't know where he is." He explained. "Woah, Dr. Freeman? Our crazy ass neighbor who can't talk worth shit?" Ryu asked. "You know him?" The man asked. "Yeah, we come from the past. But we would've never thought that a war would start up." Ryu had spilled the beans. "Dammit Ryu! I'mma kick your ass when we get back home!"Hayate threatened, being annoyed that Ryu had spilled their secret. "Let's hope we can stop that Combine..." Ryu said. "So, you came from the past eh?" The man asked. "Well, I have a time machine hidden." The man offered. "Oh that's redicoulous, nobody could ever conceal a time machine eve-" The man pressed on a wall. The wall opened, and showed a downstairs leading into a time machine. Ryu dragged Hayate down and dived in. Combine Soildiers were on their way down to kill the man. "Damn!" He yelled out. He threw Dogmeat into the Time Machine and set a bomb on the machine. Hayate, Ryu, and Dogmeat teleported out in time(No Pun Intended).

Both Ryu and Hayate had landed into the desert. "Fuck! It's hot out here!" Hayate had yelled out. Dogmeat kept on barking, as he saw a group of people traveling through the desert. Ryu looked closely at the group. It was his housemates. "Looks like my "Family" is here." Ryu grumbled, mocking Kasumi. Hayate dragged Ryu across the desert, while Dogmeat followed. They met back up with the party. "Shit! Where did you guys go?" Kasumi was worried out of her mind. "Well...we were teleported 30 years into the future, we met this guy who's name we don't know but was apparently a member of the Vault 101. He had this dog named Dogmeat, and sent us back here. Also, our house is going to blow up in 30 years, and we're all going to die because we didn't stop the Combine and they got the welfare. Oh and apparently Gordon's the rebel leader." Hayate took a long breath after saying everything. "Well then shit, we gotta' go back down there!" Ayane yelled out. "But how the hell are going to do that?" Kasumi asked. "Well, don't worry." Snake said, taking out his Codec. Funny thing was, his Codec had it's little "Input Code". "Let me see... Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start!" Snake's attempt with the Konami Code didn't work. "Shit! Piece of Motherfucking Shit!" Snake yelled out. Ripping his Codec in half. "Uh...I think you need to do that on a NES controller." Ayane explained. "Oh. Fucking hell..." Snake grumbled. Ryu pulled out his NES controller. "Dammit, I'll do it." Ryu said. "Let me see...Up Up Down Down Left Lef- Shit!" He yelled out. "Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B B- Double Shit!" "Up Up Down Down Left Right Right Lef- TURKEY SHIT!" Ryu was frustrated with the controller. Dante snatched the controller out of his hand. "Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Select Start." Dante easily put in the code, and a helicopter was spawned. "Anyone know how to fly?" Dante asked. Nobody raised their hand. "Not even you Snake?" Dante asked. "I hate to say but...I didn't get training..." Snake admitted. "Shit. Flying Cow Shit." Dante sighed.


	7. Well, this is a nice surprise

I do not own any of this. Except for the Story Line. And that Naked guy. Wait, didn't I already do this?

They flew up into the helicopter, going across the desert. Ayane held onto the artifact. "So then, this thing can make you teleport out of time?" Ayane asked, rubbing on it roughly. She was teleported. Kasumi grabbed the artifact, and rubbed on it hard too, in pursuit of Ayane. They both appeared in the past.

Both Kasumi and Ayane landed in the dirt. Meanwhile, Snake was piloting the chopper with Dante in shotgun. The artifact was slipping, until Hayabusa closed the door. "Shit! They got away! Close the door so the artifact doesn't go missing!" Ryu ordered. Hayate nodded, closing the doors. Link was hanging from the ledge of the helicopter, since that there was no more room in there. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" Link yelled out, nearly falling off.

Meanwhile, back in the Time Paradox...

"So, where the hell are we?" Kasumi asked. "Well, looks like we're in the past..." Ayane answered. "Really? Well, it seems so tranqui-" Kasumi was interrupted by the roar of a dinosaur. They ran into the bushes and hid while the dinosaur pushed through. Ayane pulled out her tanto, running towards the dinosaur. "That doesn't seem like such a good idea." Kasumi whispered, slapping her head. Ayane jumped onto the dinosaur, and stabbed it in the throat, knocking it down. A caveman appeared. "...Pretty lady!" He yelled out. Suddenly, Cavemen appeared everywhere, in awe. "What?" Ayane seemed rather annoyed from all the attention. "What? Why are you all staring at me like that?" She asked.

5 minutes later...

It was a bloodbath. Heads, Legs, Arms, Almost every limb was chopped off of the cavemen. "Good god..." Kasumi whispered again, still not moving from the bushes. "Dammit! Don't treat me like that again!" Ayane yelled out. She picked up the last Caveman on the throat. She raised up her tanto, and was getting ready to impale him in the throat. "Uh...Ayane..." Kasumi walked out of the bushes finally. "What?" She asked. "Well...uh...I don't think your supposed to kill things in a time paradox..." Kasumi explained. "Could have some dire consequences." "Oh...SHIT SHIT AND DOUBLE SHIT!" Ayane yelled out.

Back on the chopper...

"Well, what do we do now?" Ryu asked. "Try blowing on it..." Hayate answered, grabbing the artifact and blowing on it. Ayane and Kasumi appeared in the chopper. "Well now...I don't think anything happened." Ayane happily said. "Yay! We aren't going to die after all!" She yelled out. They landed back at home. Dante checked the basement. "No Combine here...I think you killed them by killing the Cavemen..." A shadowy figure appeared behind Dante. The door closed, and Dante was trapped. He looked behind him, only to be grabbed by the throat and hoisted up in the air. "Remember me?" He asked. Dante looked at him closely. He was Ganondorf. "You left me out there to rot!" He yelled out. "I thought I killed you!" Dante yelled out. "Good god! It was only 4 blows! Your about as stupid as a newbie fanfiction writer named Jamminsaladtard!" Ganondorf yelled out. "Doesn't that guy only have like, one crossover?" Dante asked. They both looked at the camera. "What the hell is that thing?" Ganondorf said, still choking Dante. "I think that's like...a camera in order to promote this thing." Dante explained. "Oh. Well back onto the subject. DIE!" Ganondorf yelled. "Okay. AGJARIPJAPJRPIAJI" Dante screamed in terror.

Ganondorf through Dante at the wall, releasing him. He aimed his hand at the wall, and made flames engulf the area. Ganondorf charged Dante, and Dante aimed his blade at Ganondorf's head. Ganondorf's Head went right through the sword, and Dante kicked Ganondorf off, sheathing Rebellion. However, Ganondorf's body was doing something weird. "What now?" Dante asked. Ganondorf's body transformed into Ganon, who let loose a giant yell. "Well, whatever it is, it doesn't look to friendly." Dante said. Ganon charged Dante again, but Dante caught onto Ganon's horns and they both collided through the wall. Dante climbed up onto Ganon's back, riding him. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK!" Dante yelled out. Ganon kept on colliding through walls. Meanwhile, upstairs, Hayate was reading his newspaper. When all of a sudden, his beer started to jiggle. "The fuck was that?" Hayate checked through his window, and saw Ganon crash out of the house, and coming out of the ground. "Shit...shit shit shit shit shit SHIT!" Dante yelled out. "Fuck..." Hayate said to himself, opening the window and then jumping out. He jumped onto Ganon. "Dante! What the hell is going on?!" Hayate yelled out. "Well, the thing is, there was this guy named Ganondorf, and he was this so called "Lord Of All Evil." And then I defeated him with one blow. But he transformed into this thing!" Dante yelled back, explaining the whole thing. "Well, I don't really understand how the hell he got into our basement, bu- WOAH! WTF?!" Hayate yelled. They were headed towards the river. They both jumped off as Ganon charged down the river. "Burn in hell...you psycotic son of a bitch..." Dante said to Ganon, as he drowned. "Ein!" A voice called out. Hitomi raced down the hill. "I saw you going down there! I never thought I'd find you here." Hitomi greeted. "Hitomi? What are you doing here?" Hayate had asked. "Well, I went down here in order to start a new life. Somebody burned down the dojo." She explained. "What? Who did it?" Hayate asked. "Remember those guys who tried to rob the dojo?" Hitomi asked.

Flashback

Robbers had appeared in the dojo. "Dammit! Put the money in the bag!" The robbers yelled out. "Uh, wrong way." Hitomi was laughing at the idiocy of the robbers. The robber that was ordering saw that he was facing the wrong way because he had no holes in his balaclava. (A/N Yeah, it means Ski Mask.) "Dammit Jerry! You should've put holes in that mask!" A robber yelled. "Well John, I feel asleep the whole ride!" Jerry yelled back. "Ya'll both are fuckin' idiots." The other robber yelled out.

Flashback over

"Well, yeah...they burned down the dojo." Hitomi said. "Those bastards..." Hayate said to himself, clenching his fist. "Hey, douchebags." Link went down. "Who's this guy?" Hitomi asked. "Well, call him "The Pussy" Of our household." Dante mocked Link. "DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!" Link yelled out, tackling down Dante. Dante however, had kicked Link in the balls, and put his fist in between Link's eyes, knocking him out. "I'll leave em' here." Dante said, pushing Link off of him and got up dusting himself off.

Back at the house...

"So...Hitomi's here too?" Kasumi asked. "Yeah...she moved too." Hayate answered. "Well now...I guess that's one more neigh-" Ayane was interrupted by the barge of the front door. Master Cheif walked through. "So, this is our new neighbor?" He asked. Hitomi was shocked by the height of him. "You look like..." Hitomi tried to piece the puzzle together. She was obviously thinking of Nicole. "Yeah...well...nice to meet you." Master Cheif put out his hand. Shaking hands with Hitomi.

7 hours later...

"So...how did you get that money?" Kasumi had asked Ayane. They were painting their nails. "Well..." She was getting ready to have another flashback.

Flashback

Hayate is pictured on the street in some very revealing clothing.

Flashback over

Ayane chuckled. "That's not really important..." She recalled.

Everything was being happily as it ever would be. Or is it?

Ryu had went down to go check the "Other" Basement, which he had never been in before. "Hmm...pretty strange down here..." He said. He walked through a couple of the rooms, until he came into one very high tech one. It had a VERY large machine hanging from the ceiling.

"Welcome...I am Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System...But you may call me..."

Cliffhanger for the suspense.


	8. The Family Dog Or is it?

I do not own anything. Except for the story idea. And that naked guy.

"But you may call me...GLaDOS..." The giant machine introduced. A naked guy ran through the room. "YEAAAAH! I'M THE NAKED GUY! LEMONLEMONLEMONLEMONLEMONLEM-" The naked guy was cut off by GlaDOS interrupting him. "Uh...I'm sorry to interrupt your streaking, but you are anno-" She was cut off by the naked guy. "WOOO! GlaDOS! THE CAKE IS A LIE! I READ YOUR FACEBOOK! YEAH! YEAAAAAAAAH!" He yelled out. "Oh dear...please, leave me alone." GlaDOS was annoyed by him. "WOOHOO! YEAH! RYU HAYABUSA! FAPFAPFAP LEMONLEMONLEMONLEMONLEMONLEMON"He yelled out in fanboyanism. Ryu sighed. "Why do I have to do this?" He pulled his Dragon Sword out of his hilt, and dived towards the naked guy slicing his head off. "Oh my god! You killed that naked guy! Your...Your...Your...

...

Not a bastard?" GlaDOS suggested. "Yeeeahh...uh...see ya'." Ryu sweated as he drew back, running from the DOS.

Upstairs...

Ryu came upstairs panting his breath. "Shit!" He yelled out. Ayane turned her head over to Ryu. "What?" She asked curiously. "This thing called Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System is in our basement!" He explained, still panting. "I recorded the thing!" Ryu kept on yelling, pulling out his tape recorder. Ayane grabbed it, and listened to it. "YEEEAAAHHH! LEMONLEMONLEMONLEMONLEMONLEMON" Ayane quit playing the tape recorder. "THAT's what you wanted to show me?" She threw the tape recorder at Ryu.

7:00 P.M.

"Hey, Ayane, I'm throwing a winter party." Kasumi announced. "Why the fuck are you so obsessed with winter?" Ayane asked. "Because of Christmas!" She yelled out. Ayane sighed at her older sister's cheerfulness. "And by which type, do you mean party?" Ayane asked. "Never mind. Not a winter party...a CHRISTMAS PARTY!" Kasumi yelled with glee again. Barking could be heard outside. "What's that?" Ayane asked, looking out the window. Dogmeat was standing outside. Hearing the noise, Dante ran outside. "A dog? I always wanted one when I was a kid!" He took the dog in the house. Ayane slammed her fist on the windowsill. "Dammit! He's bringing that filthy mutt in the house!" She yelled. "Why so angry?" Kasumi asked, starting to get a little bit frightened by her sisters uncheerfulness. "Because! Do you know what happens when you bring a filthy mutt in the house?! Shit on the carpet!" She yelled out. "And I am not having shit on the carpet! Wait...even worse, she might have gotten pregnant. Which means...good god..." Ayane thought of the horror of having puppies. She screamed to the top of her lungs. "TO WAR DANTE! TO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!" She declared, still screaming.

In the house...

"I tell ya'...your gonna' love it here Dogmeat!" Dante said happily. Ayane was standing at the staircase. "So, who is the meat?" She asked, referring to the dog. "Hey, don't be mean to him, just because he's a stray dog that came from the future doesn't mean that he'll bite." Dante jokingly referred to Tengu. "Yeah well, I don't like him." Ayane said bitterly. "Oh come on! It was my childhood dream to have a dog!" Dante yelled out. "Well, I still don't like him." Ayane said smuggly. This made Dante snap. "DAMMIT! IT AIN'T MY FAULT YOU GOT LAID WITH THAT THING!" Dante yelled out, pointing at Ryu who was walking by. "What?" He asked. "AND IT AIN'T MY FAULT YOU HANG OUT WITH A DRUNKARD LIKE HIM." Dante yelled out again, pointing at Hayate. "Huh?" Hayate asked, waking up. "AND IT AIN'T MY FAULT, THAT YOUR JEALOUS OF YOUR SISTER." Dante yelled out, pointing at Kasumi who was still sitting on her bed. Ayane twitched. "Dammit...DAMMIT..." She kept saying to herself. She pulled out her tanto and dived at Dante. "OH SHIT!" Dante yelled out, grabbing Dogmeat and going into his room, slamming the door shut. "Fuck..." Kasumi said to herself, noticing the argument that was going on.

In Dante's room...

"Fuck all of em'...Dogmeat, your my true friend." Dante said quietly. Dogmeat howled, and jumped on Dante playfuly.

Meanwhile...

Ayane was sitting at the dinner table. Everyone attended except for Dante. "I want that mutt out of the house!" She ordered. "But Sister! He finally found a companion!" Kasumi said, in defense of Dante. "But I don't want the house smelling like Dogshit." She said, mocking Dogmeat. "Awww...don't be so cruel." Kasumi disagreed with her sisters ways. "I say, give everyone a beer." Hayate suggested, still drunk. "I agree with his idea. Except I get ciggerettes." Snake said, pointing at Hayate. "Nii-san, Mr. Hayter, don't be idiots at this meeting." Ayane said, being rather annoyed with the both of them. "I say, we take Dante, and we kill him. Then we dress up Dogmeat in his clothing, and replace Dante with Dogmeat." Link suggested, still hating Dante. Everyone looked at Link wide eyed. "So let me get this straight. I want the mutt out of the house. Snake and Hayate want ciggerettes and beer. Kasumi doesn't want Dante to lose his mutt, and Link wants to kill him?" Ayane wanted to get it straight. "Wait, but we still haven't tallied one more." Kasumi said, pointing at Ryu. "Uh...Um..." Ryu said, running back upstairs into his room, still creeped out by GLaDOS and that naked guy. "Well...it's a winner. Snake and Hayate's vote by default..." Kasumi said sadly. "Why?" Ayane asked. "Because, if you total it all together, that's a majority of the vote. So by default, Snake and Nii-San win." Kasumi sighed. "Alright, so when do I get my ciggerette?" Snake asked, looking around for ciggerettes. "Dammit! I am not going down this way! I'll win! I'LL WINNNNNNNNNNN!" Ayane screamed.

Back in Dante's room...

Dante was cuddling with his new found companion. Ayane tore through the door. "Okay, you little ba-KAWAII!" Ayane was turned upside down to see Dante cuddling Dogmeat. She ripped Dogmeat out of Dante's arms, and started petting him. "Awww! I'm so sorry I ever doubted you!" Ayane was charmed by Dogmeat. "Of course I'm always righ-" Dante was cut off by Ayane. "Not you! Dogmeat!" Ayane said, still cuddling Dogmeat. "Back off bitch, the dogs mine." Dante said, trying to grab the dog out of Ayane's hands. Kasumi ran upstairs and saw them both fighting over the dog. "Stop it the both of you!" Kasumi said, grabbing the dog and putting it down gently on the ground. "If you two want the dog so much, then why don't you both be responsible parents for it?" Kasumi suggested. Dante shrugged, as Dogmeat followed him back into his room. "I guess..." Ayane said.

After days of arguing...

"DAMMIT! He's my dog too!" They both yelled at the same time. "ALRIGHT ALREADY! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Kasumi yelled out, standing in between the both of them.

After days of trial in divorce court...

"Dante, since you found Dogmeat first, I hereby declare you, as responsible parent for Dogmeat. Understood?" Kasumi said, banging the mallet (Not in the lemon way, you perverted dicks!). Ayane stood there in shock. She thought that she would get Dogmeat by her responsibility by the end of the battle. But Dante went home with the dog.

After going back home...

Dante sat in his room with Dogmeat all day. Telling him how fun it would be with him. Meanwhile, Ayane, was going to do something drastic. She reached for her sniper rifle (The one she killed Helena's mother with.) and aimed it at Dante's window. It was payback time...


	9. Winter's Welcome

I do not own any bit of the characters. However, I do own the storyline. (A/N Please note that this chapter does twist some of the plot facts in the DOA Universe)

Ayane aimed through her sniper rifle in the trees, crouching for precise accuracy. She was dressed in her outfit she wore during her 3rd tournament run. "I feel like such a badass right now..." She whispered to herself. She aimed through Dante's window, when all of a sudden, "Wait! Stop!" A voice called out, jumping out of a branch and landing in front of Ayane. But it was too late, she had already pulled the trigger,but it didn't hit Dante, it hit the man in the tree. He fell over, out of the tree. Everybody had heard the shot, and ran outside. Ayane took a look out who the man was. And it was one of the biggest shocks of her life. It was Genra.

Meanwhile at the hospital...

"So, let me get this straight, your foster father wasn't captured by DOATECH at all?" Hayate tried to get the facts together. "Well, apparently he was mistaken by another man. So really, I came at the 3rd tournament for no reason." Ayane explained. "Dammit! I knew it! I was calling Genra the wrong name all the time!" Hayate yelled out. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out a bottle of vodka. "Nii-San, do you have to be drinking that right now?" Kasumi asked annoyed by her sister's mistake. "Yes I do." Hayate murmured, drinking a sip. Ayane turned her head towards Hayate, and slammed her fist into his balls, ripping the vodka out of his hands, and drinking it. "Dammit! You stole my Vodk-" Hayate was cut off by Ayane slamming her fist down Hayate's throat.

In the hospital room...

Ayane went into her father's room. "Dad...uh...I'm sorry that I shot you with a high-caliber rifle, but uh...yeah..." Ayane was drunk from drinking the whole bottle of vodka. She fell over on her father. "OH GOD!" He yelled out. Ayane got back up. "Sorry..." She whispered. "Ayane...why did you have a rifle in the first place?" Her dad asked. "Dad...you look like a prostitute..." Ayane said, pointing out the fact that he wore no pants in the hospital. Genra was embaressed, and stumbled out of the hospital in a wheel chair. They all got into a bus because Dante's car would be crowded.

On The Bus...

Ryu was laughing his ass off at Ayane's stupidity. Once she had gotten sober, she began to regain conciousness. "Shut up." Ayane glared at Ryu, who was chuckling. Dante, was playing his Pokemon Diamond on his DS. Hayate was playing with him too. "Wait, you expect me to trade my Charizard for your Treecko? Are you drunk?" Dante asked. "Yes." Hayate answered. Dante smacked his head, he knew he should've known the answered, but wouldn't of thought that he would stoop so low to this stupidity. Snake meanwhile, was listening to his iPod and was trying to match the sounds of the guitar solo in the song. "OWOWOOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOW" He yelled out. "Shut the fuck up!" Ayane yelled out at Snake, who sat in the fetal position the rest of the ride home. "Since when did your sister become so damn violent?" Genra asked Kasumi. "Well...Genra...that was a LOOOONG time ago." Kasumi answered.

Flashback...

"Ayane...I have a confession to make...I'm pregnant..." Her mother said. "What?" Ayane asked, shocked. "Ha ha, just kidding." She teased. "Ayane...I have a confession to make...your my daughter..." This time Ayame was telling the truth. "Your my daughter...and your father was Raidou." She told her. "Ha ha! Good one mom!" Ayane laughed. "No, I'm telling the _truth. _Dun Dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN" She said. "NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" Ayane yelled out, crying in tears running away. Genra appeared infront of Ayame. "How did she take it?" He asked. "Well, she didn't take the joke so well..." She explained. "Oh...how sad..." Genra replied.

Second Part Of Flashback...

"You...You bastard!" Kasumi yelled out, pointing her katana at Raidou's head. "K-Kasumi...I did not give birth to Ayane...I just thought I'd let you know that..." He said in a overly dramatic voice. "Really?" She asked. "You still did cripple my brother right?" She asked. "Well, yeah I did that. What do you expect? The guy came out of nowhere like "BUTTSECKZ LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL." He explained, now losing his dramatic voice and speaking in a more normal one. "Oh...well then...DIE ANYWAY MOTHERFUCKER." Kasumi raised her katana and sliced Raidou's head off.

End Of Flashbacks...

"So, why did they hate her and shun her?" Genra was curious. "Because, she had purple hair." Kasumi had explained everything. "Oh. What the hell is up with that?" He asked, pointing at Ayane's hair.

At the house...

Everybody got into the house. Kasumi went up into her room to recieve the biggest shock of her life. It was the Weighted Companion Cube. "OMFG! KAWAIIIIZZZ!!" She yelled out as she picked up the cube. It was a bit heavy, but it was worth it. Everybody ran up into the room. "Hey cool! I have a companion too!" Link yelled out as he pulled out a fairy. "Link! What the hell did I say about waking me up at 10:00 PM?!" Navi yelled out. "Oh, sorry." Link said, pulling Navi back in. Ayane went downstairs and sat on the couch rather frustrated and disappointed.

"...Dammit...everybody has a companion...Hayate and his beer...Ryu and his porno sites...Link and his fairy...Dante and his Dog...Hell! Even Kasumi has a companion in this world!" She said to herself. She sighed. Her window was open, and a butterfly came charging through. It sat on Ayane's nose. "What?" She asked. She got off the couch and walked up the stairs, only to have the butterfly follow her. "You mean...I HAVE A COMPANION?!" She yelled out in glee. "So what? It's just a butterfly." Ryu pointed out. This made Ayane snap. She pulled out her katana and charged at Ryu. "NO! IT IS NOT JUST A BUTTERFLY! IT'S MY BUTTERFLY." Ayane yelled out, swinging her blade at Ryu's head.

5 hours later...

"She went apeshit!" Link yelled out. Suddenly, snow started to fall everywhere around the house. "Oh my god...IT'S WINTER!" Kasumi yelled out. She got a Wal-Mart gift card, and got dressed up in a santa suit, and hotwired into Dante's car. She then drove off, leaving the house for Wal-Mart. Dante, looked out the window in complete shock. "Dammit! She stole my car!" Dante yelled out. "No problem though..." Dante said as he pulled out a NES controller. "Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B..." Dante's face started to sweat. "...A...Select...START!" A motorcycle dropped out of the sky. "DAMN STRAIGHT!" He shouted out. Ayane grabbed the controller from his hands. "Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select, Start." She entered the input and Niko Bellic appeared in their house. "Dammit! Who the hell called me?!" He yelled out. Taking a gun and pointing at Dante's mouth. "That's not that wise. Point it at him." Dante said, pointing at Link who was walking down the hallway. Niko changed his aim, and aimed at Link. "Dammit! Give me that fairy!" Niko said, as he kicked Link in the balls and made a Grand Theft Fairy.

Ayane was speechless, but Dante, on the other hand..."ROFLMAO LOLOLOL COCKADILE COCKADILE COCKADILE" He yelled out laughing. Link, on the other hand was doing a Angry German Kid on the table, and chased after Niko, who stole a car and drove off. Meanwhile, Link stole another car, and drove after Niko. "Dammit! Give me that fairy back!" Link yelled out, pulling his bombs from his bomb bag, and throwing it at Niko's car. Meanwhile, Ayane who did the Konami code again, made a helicopter again, and flew up, watching Link and Niko battle it out. Niko, grabbed a pistol and aimed it at Link's car. He shot at the windsheild 4 times. Dante was in the helicopter, and had a camera watching them duke it out. "Ooooh! They are duking it out! It is a brand new episode of Car Derby!" He yelled out in a megaphone. "Say, where did you learn to pilot this?" Dante asked Ayane. "Snake gave me training." She answered. In reality, she didn't know. She just went batfuck insane on the controls. Niko tossed out a molotov Cocktail at Link, causing his car to catch on fire. Meanwhile, Link was driving and trying to throw bombs at Niko's car.

"Dammit! Let me out!" Navi yelled. "Shut the fuck up bitch!" Niko yelled out, pointing a gun at Navi. "Or your little fairy brains will be spilled out on this winshield!"

Meanwhile at Wal-Mart...

Kasumi was shopping for Christmas gifts. "And this ones for Haya-" Suddenly, Link and Niko crashed through the Wal-Mart. "Dammit! Give me that fairy back!" Link yelled out, taking out his bow and arrow. He shot at Niko's car, causing one of his tires to go out. "Shit!" He yelled out. He pulled out his micro SMG, and started shooting at Link's car. They both crashed through the walls, and kept on driving. Kasumi looked at the madness, and got back to shopping. "This ones for Sna..."

Outside the Wal-Mart...

"Dammit! This is vehicular murder right here!" Dante yelled out, still having his camera towards Niko and Link. "Looks like their headed towards the river." Ayane pointed out. Niko saw the river coming up. "Fuck!" He yelled out as he fell into the river, next to Link. Link got out of his car, and swam up. They both got out of the water, and got into a street fight. Niko punched Link in the middle of the nose and knocked him out. "Oooh! And he is down and out!" Dante yelled out. Ayane made a massive turn to keep up with the action, but Dante who didn't have his seatbelt on, got pushed out of the chopper and fell into the water. "You want to fight too? Silver boy?" He asked rather dangerously. "Silverboy? Okay, now it's ON!" He yelled, jumping on Niko and knocking him out with a single blow. Ayane landed the chopper. "What do we do with Link and Niko?" She asked. "Uh...throw em' into the river?" Dante asked. "Sure." Ayane agreeded, as Dante pushed both of them into the river. Dante grabbed Navi, and put her in a jar.

Meanwhile, at a bar...

"Ryu, you gotta' drink more beer." Hayate said, surprisingly sober. "Why? Just because I love tits, and you love Jagermeister, doesn't mean that I gotta' like what you like." Ryu pointed out. "Well, just drink some. It'll soothe your troubles." Hayate said, as he handed Ryu a beer. Ryu chugged the beer, still not giving it up. Hayate could tell that he loved the beer, and gave him some more. Ryu had so much beer, that he got drunk. Hayate joined him with the beer, and they both drank the night away. They went outside. "Shit man! I'm fucked!" Hayate said as he stumbled out of the bar. Ryu fell over on a tree. "Oh...I love you so much...Helena..." He said to himself, humping the tree. "Wait, Christie?" Hayate asked drunkly, being confused with the women of DOA.

In the chopper...

Dante and Ayane were riding home. "So, where the hell did Kasumi go?" Dante asked. "Wal-Mart. That's where she always shopped back in Japan." Ayane answered. "I wonder what she's buying..." She told herself.


	10. Los Ganados Unwelcome

I do not own any bit of this. Except for the story idea and that naked guy.

They were having a dinner. Everybody except for Link, who was still in the river.

Meanwhile...

"Egnrhjf...kill...destroooooy...kill...destrooooy..." An onslaught of zombie-lookalike creatures were charging towards the mansion. One of them pressed onto the window. "Woah! Shit!" Dante yelled out. Snake pulled out his rifle, and aimed at the Zombie. He shot through the glass, killing the zombie. But the glass broke. "Dipshit! Now their going to start to come in!" Ayane yelled out. "Fuck..." Dante said to himself. He pulled out his NES controller. "Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select, Start." He said. Guns appeared on the floor for everybody. They each grabbed them. Both Dante and Snake went out to fight them off. "What the hell are these things?!" Dante asked Snake. "Los Ganados..." He said. "Nachos?! Their edible!" Dante shouted. "No you idiot! They are zombielike creatures. It looks like their going on a rampage." Snake said. He kicked open the door, and let loose on his carbine.

Meanwhile...

Kasumi and Ayane were both upstairs. "You know how to use a gun?" Ayane asked Kasumi. "No. I think your the only ninja who knows how to..." Kasumi answered.

Downstairs...

Hayate and Ryu were covering the kitchen. They loaded up their machine guns. "You ready?" Hayate asked Ryu. "Let's do this!" Ryu yelled out, shooting the Los Ganados through the window.

Back upstairs...

"I'll handle the rifle. You guard the door incase any come through." Ayane ordered. Kasumi nodded, taking out her pistol. Ayane aimed through the rifle, shooting zombies. She was confident that her father was in hiding.

In The Basement...

"So, your name is Genra?" GLaDOS asked. "Yep. Your some beauty of technology." He admired. "Yes well, stop flirting with me, or you won't get the cake." GLaDOS warned. "The what?" Genra was confused.

In the lobby...

Los Ganados were charging through. Dante pulled out his shotgun, killing a couple of them. "Dammit! They just keep coming!" Dante yelled out. Snake meanwhile, was outside on the deck, still killing all he could. Ayane aimed through her sniper rifle, picking off the Los Ganados. Kasumi saw a couple of Los Granachos get past Dante. She aimed her pistol at them. "Okay...just pull the safety off..." Kasumi pulled off her safety. She aimed at the Los Granacho with presicse aiming. She shot. But there was no bullet coming out. She looked at her pistol, and saw that the chamber was empty. She never loaded.

Back in the kitchen...

"Fuck! There are too many of em'!" Hayate yelled out as they were getting through the window. "Shit! I have to reload!" Hayabusa yelled out, as he saw that he ran out of ammo. "Shit! No more magazines!" "Fuck! I'm empty too Ryu!" Hayate called back. The Los Ganados grabbed them, and pulled them out of the house. A giant Los Ganado grabbed the both of them, and squeezed them until they were knocked out.

Back Upstairs...

Ayane saw that Kasumi was in trouble. She aimed her sniper rifle at the Los Ganados, and shot one of their heads off. She fired from the hip, but the Los Granacho's head transformed itself into something more monstourous. "What the fuck is that?!" Ayane yelled out, pointing at the now transformed Los Ganados. He became a Los Plagas. A Blade Plagas, to be exact. He swung his blade at Ayane. She ducked, and it hit the light, causing it to become dark and he swung his blade into Ayane's back, stabbing her. "Shit!" He swung Ayane around on the blade. . Kasumi saw her sister's back on the blade. "Sister!" She yelled out in fear.

Downstairs...

"It's too many!" Dante yelled out, drowning in the pool of Las Ganados. They picked him up, and carried him back down to their legion. Snake was captured also. They put them on the ground, and one huge Los Ganado swung a mace, dropping it on both Dante and Snake's head.

Back upstairs...

Ayane's blood was leaking from her back. "Let me down you bastards!" She yelled out, pulling out a pistol and aiming it at the Los Ganado. She shot 4 times. But the Los Ganado was angered more, and she went in deeper. "Dammit!" She yelled out. She dropped her pistol, not having the strength to aim any more. She couldn't see anyways, because she was stabbed in the back. The Los Ganado aimed at Kasumi. He shot his tenticle at her, and stabbed her sucessfully. She was stabbed in the stomach, and hoisted into the air.

Outside...

Dante and Snake were tied up in a cage. Dante's face was cut up, as was Snakes. They were both tied in chains. "Hey Snake, you got a solution?" Dante asked. "No. It's only the two of us in here. And we're locked in a cage, in chains." Snake answered. "Fuck..." He said to himself. The Los Ganados put both Ayane and Kasumi in there. "Fuck! My back!" Ayane yelled out. "Shit! My stomach!" Kasumi yelled out. "What do they want?" Snake asked himself. "So, let's tell stories about our horrible experiences." Dante offered. "Sure, I'll bite." Snake said. "Alright, we both had maces thrown at our faces." Dante said. "Well, I had my back stabbed by a blade, and she had her torso stabbed." Ayane explained.

They threw Hayate and Ryu inside of there. They were both still knocked out. "Nii-San!" Kasumi yelled out. Expressing joy that her brother was still alive. Ryu awoke. "Good god! We were squeezed by a giant!" Ryu yelled out. This made Hayate wake up. The Los Ganados Guards went away, and a blonde haired man came and pulled out a key he stole from a guard. He opened up the cage, and cut off the chains. "Who are you?" Dante asked. "The name's Leon Scott Kennedy. Get out while you can." He advised and introduced. They all got up, out of the cage. "Self Destruct Sequence in 5:00 Minutes." A computerized voice warned. "Shit! They know your out!" Leon yelled, jumping out of a window. Their leader came into the room. "Well well well...what a surprise..." He said, laughing. "The ramifications of your actions will be...severe..." He said in a low tone. "What kind of actions have we done?" Kasumi asked curiously. "You stopped my friends the Combine from taking over your mansion so we could get welfare." He explained. "Bull-shit! So just because we kill off our little Combine problem, you take us in here to torture us so that you could get welfare off of us?!" Dante asked. "Ding Ding, We have a winner." He answered. "FUCKING HELL!" Dante yelled out, as he grabbed his pistol. He aimed it at the Leader. "We forgot to confiscate that from you?" He asked. "Damn straight, and now your pulling out..." Dante said, as he shot the Leader in the head. But the Leader got up. "Shit! We're pulling out!" Ayane shouted as she jumped out of the window. Dante nodded, and so did the rest of the crew, as they all jumped out. Ayane pulled out her NES controller. "Let me see, Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Select, Start." Ayane put in the input, and a helicopter appeared. "Once again, flying commando." She said. She got into the helicopter, and so did the rest of the people as the helicopter fell from the tower. "Dammit! Snake! Pilot!" Ayane ordered. Snake nodded, and got on the pilot. They all flew away from the tower, which was about to explode.

The tower exploded.

Debris fell from everywhere. "That crazy bastard..." Hayate said to himself. Shivering.

Back Home...

Everything was a bloodstain. Both Ayane and Kasumi's wounds were growing in pain. "Fuck! My back!" She yelled out. She spat out blood. Kasumi did too, but did not say anything. Both Dante and Snake's head were dripping with blood. Ayane's father came upstairs. "What the hell happened?!" He asked in disbelief. "Dad! Me and Kasumi need stitches! Now!" Ayane yelled. Fortuantly, her father was a doctor as well as a warrior. He patched Ayane, Kasumi, Dante, and Snake up. "What about me?" Hayate and Ryu asked. "No, no stitches for you. Because YOU, are a drunkard, and YOU, are a pervert. I disrespect alot of things, but those two things, I hate the most." He explained.

Link charged through the front door. "Dammit! Who the hell let me drown?!" Link was furious.

Master Cheif walked through the door. "Hey guys!" Dante pointed at Master Cheif. "He did it." Dante explained. Link lunged onto Master Cheif, stabbing him repeatedly in the armor. Everyblow went through his armor. "I have a way with lying..." Dante whispered to himself.

Back to the ol' hellhole. But who knows when the Los Ganados will strike next?


	11. The Cake?

I do not own any characters, or locations that belong to any other company

I do not own any characters, or locations that belong to any other company. I do however, own the storyline.

"Well…Christmas is coming up." Ryu reminded Dante. "Yeah, yeah, I know. But we need food for the Christmas dinner." Dante said. "Well, I got a chicken." Ryu glanced at the chicken. "I do too." Dante pulled out his. "I bet…mine is larger." Ryu challenged. "Wanna' bet?" Dante accepted the challenge.

"It's time to play, who's cock is larger!" Ayane announced. It was Ayane and Kasumi on commentary. Dante put his chicken on the ground. "On the starting line, is Dante's cock! You would like to gobble that down wouldn't ya?" Kasumi introduced. "And on the left side, Ryu's cock! Looks succulent." Ayane also introduced. "Ready, Set, GO!" Snake fired his gun in the air. Ryu and Dante's chickens raced towards the finish line. But something happened. One chicken stopped, and bent over, and the other chicken moved in on him. Everyone stood wide-mouthed on what they saw next. "Good god! Censor that!" Kasumi yelled. Suddenly, a huge censor bar appeared on the two chickens.

Later that night…

"My god…I cannot believe that just happened." Dante said to himself over and over again. Suddenly, a sniper shot came from the window. The sniper shot hit the dinner table. "Fuck!" Ayane yelled out, diving for cover. The next thing they knew, a flashbang was thrown out and hit the table, blinding everybody. A silver haired woman appeared on the table. Hitomi pointed her hand out at the woman. "You…" She whispered. "Ah…hello." She said as she aimed her gun at Ayane. "I believe it is time for you to di-" She was hit by a tranquilizer that was shot by Snake. "Who the hell was that?" Dante asked as she fell to the ground asleep. Ayane looked at her. "Christie…" She recognized the face. Hayate came into the room. "Anyone got any beers? Beers anyone?" Hayate bargained. "I'll give you marijuana for some beer." Dante was about to leap out of his seat, but Kasumi pulled him back down.

In the morning…

"Wake up bitch!" Ayane yelled out, pointing a hung lamp over Christie. They were in the basement that Ryu was burned in. Christie was tied to a chair. "Why did you try to assassinate me?!" Ayane yelled out, putting her boot to Christie's stomach. "Because, you were going to tell Helena the truth…" Christie admitted. "Tch…she isn't even here." Ayane pulled out her knife that she hid in her boot, and aimed it at Christie's throat. "I'll slice your throat right here if you even try anything remotely funny." Ayane warned.

Upstairs…

Snake was reading a news paper, when all of a sudden a silver haired man came charging through. "Snake…it's been a long time…" He said as he got up. Snake turned around, recognizing the man. "Raiden!" He yelled out. Raiden dived on Snake. "You just had to take the spotlight once again Snake! You just had too!" He started punching at Snake, "You just had to be the king of MGS4! I even got ninja powers! You made me break up with Rose! You dirty bastard!" He yelled out as he took out his blade. He got ready to slice Snake's head apart, but then something happened. The blade was caught by Dante. "So, you think you can have silver hair too?!" Dante yelled out in anger. He through the blade, chucking him at the wall. "What the hell...?" Ryu was trying to figure out what the hell was going on. "Don't you know Ryu?" But Kasumi understood everything. "Whenever two silver haired people find each other, they have to battle it out." Kasumi explained. "But Christi-" "She has white hair." Kasumi explained again. "Oh..." Ryu said, now understanding.

Dante lunged himself at Raiden, who just grabbed him and threw him into the TV. "Dammit! That was a flatscreen!" Hayate yelled. Meanwhile, Link came downstairs, and Dante threw Raiden at Link. "Shit!" Link yelled out as he was hit by a incoming cyborg-ninja. Raiden however, had a plan of attack. He took out his katana one more time, and dived at Dante. He cut through Dante, making him bleed in the torso. "Fuck!" Dante yelled out. But Dante had a plan too. Dante pulled out his shot gun, aimed it at Raiden's head, and shot him down. Game Over.

Downstairs...

Dante threw Raiden downstairs on a chair also. He put him near Christie. "Your interrogating too?" Ayane asked. "Yep." Dante said, as he got out a whip. "Nice." She complimented.

Upstairs...

Snake got up and smoked a ciggerette. He then realized what he had told Otacon before. 'I'm quitting. These things'll kill ya.' He had a flashback. He threw his ciggerettes back in the trash. "So...Raiden's followed me?" Snake asked himself. He took out his Codec. "I thought you broke that back in the desert." Kasumi wondered. "I had a spare." Snake explained. He turned on his Codec.

Codec Convesation:

Snake: Otacon.

Otacon: About damn time Snake! You haven't picked up your codec ever since!"

Snake: Woah woah woah! No need to be so touchy!

Otacon: Anyways, Snake. I'm afraid I have some bad news. Remember Solidus? Well...he's back.

Snake: What?! Shit!

Otacon: I know, I know. But hey, look at the bright side! At least you quit your ciggerette addiction.

Snake: That doesn't matter Otacon! Say, where's Meryl?

Otacon: Oh yeah, she's been busy fucking Akiba. But that's not the poi-

Snake: What?! She's been fucking that diareah filled fucking piece of cowardly shit?! I'm the one with the medal of honor!

Otacon: I know Snake, bu-

Snake: I even quit my ciggerette addiction for her! That lousy little who-

Otacon: Snake! Shut the fuck up!

Snake: Sorry.

Otacon: Anyways, I'll meet you in the helicopter.

Snake: But I live here now. Besides, I'm done with war.

Otacon: Bu-

Codec hung up

Meanwhile, at the Los Ganados base...

"I heard they escaped..." The leader said, disappointed. "Yes sir...they are at a unknown location. They shall pay for making a mockery of our allies the Combine!" Krauser said, kneeling before his leader.

Intermission

Ryu: Woah woah woah! Me and Hayate are treated like side characters here! There's not even a sexual joke anymore!

Flashback...

Both Ryu and Ayane are in a airvent. "Ayane, get your ass out of my face! Oh wait no, keep it there."

Flashback over...

Narrator: Uh, Ryu, have you ever even been paying attention to the story? There's been plenty of sexual jokes in here.

Ryu: But no lemon!

Flashback...

Naked Guy Running Through Basement: LEMONLEMONLEMONLEMONLEMON

Flashback Over

Narrator: Wanna' bet?

Ryu: Fine. You win.

Dante: So, when do we go and beat those bastards that tortured us?

Narrator: When I'm done taking a piss.

Dante: Damn, must be a long piss.

Narrator: Just in your imagination Dante, just in your imagination.

Intermission over...

A knock was heard on the door. Hayate answered it, still carrying a bottle of vodka. There was Kokoro and Lisa. "Uh...hey." Lisa greeted with a pepsi can. "Hi there!" Kokoro greeted, as peppy as usual. "Oooh...your from the tournam-" Hayate passed out from his usual drunkness. They both walked through the door. "Uh...hello?" The mansion's lobby was completely empty, which was strange nonetheless. They both sat on a couch. Kasumi came downstairs, drinking a can of Dr. Pepper. "Oh...hello..." Kasumi was disappointed to see her rival, Kokoro. "...Uh...I think I'll be upstairs..." Kokoro offered. She ran upstairs as fast as she could. "Well...hey Lisa." Kasumi greeted. "Yeah...we just moved in." Lisa greeted as well. Meanwhile, Ayane was in the kitchen making Marrons glaces, when Hayate, now sober, walked in. "Ayane...I need your help. Come into my room." Hayate whispered. Ayane followed him into his room, and he shut the door. "Okay...I think Hitomi is stalking me..." Hayate was completely helpless. "Okay...well uh-" Ayane was cut off by Hayate, who peered at the window. There was Hitomi, completely splatted on his window. "OH GOD!" He closed his curtain, so Hitomi couldn't see. "That's...disturbing." Ayane added.

Kasumi was downstairs making lemonade, when she heard a foot patter. Behind her was Alpha 152. Kasumi turned around, hearing the footsteps. Nobody was there. She then appeared again, and walked near Kasumi. She grabbed her shoulder, and sunk into her body. "Hmm...yes..." Alpha 152 whispered as she was now in Kasumi's body. She grabbed a pizza cutter, and went upstairs. She kicked open Hayate's room. "Yes sister?" Hayate asked as Kasumi walked over to Hayate. Ayane was still sitting on Hayate's bed. "Hayate...how would you like to die?" Alpha asked. "Hmm...probably by- OH GOD!" Alpha smacked Hayate with the pizza cutter. "Good god!" Ayane yelled out, diving on Alpha 152 trying to grab the pizza cutter. "No! Kasumi! As much as I want to do that too, that's a no-no!" Ayane was trying to take advantage of this moment. She smacked Alpha, taking the pizza cutter away. Dante came into the room. "WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THE NOI- Wait a minute..." Dante looked closely at Kasumi. She had a evil aura going around her. "That's not Kasumi..." He explained. "Then that means..." Ayane looked at her now possessed half-sister. "The only one who could've done this was Alpha 152..." She answered. "Don't worry...I called friends." Alpha added, now talking in a lower, more sinister tone. Both Vergil and Liquid crashed through two windows. Snake ran into the room, to see what was the noise all about. "Good god...Vergil/Liquid..." Both Dante and Snake said at the same time. Link and Hayate's shadow both began to form diffrently. Dark Link was made out of the shadow, while Link was asleep on the couch. "Hmmm...guess I could finally end the Hyrulian..." Dark Link suggested. Meanwhile, Ryu was taking a shit.

"I've been waiting for this...brother..." Both Liquid and Vergil said together. "Wait wait! Instead of fighting...how about you guys stay in our basement?" Hayate suggested. "Alright...what's the catch?" Liquid asked. "We keep the upstairs." Hayate answered. "Deal. Middle ground is for the both of us." Vergil agreed. Alpha 152 came out of Kasumi's body. "Awww...I was having fun..." Alpha was saddened she could no longer kill the woman that had defeated her.

They all went downstairs, into the basement. Dark Link, about to slice Link's head off, took his own version of the Master Sword over his head. "DL, don't worry about it." Vergil said, walking downstairs with his suitcase.

7:00 P.M.

Everyone had cooked their own food. both Vergil and Dante sat down with a bowl of Maryland styled Crab Soup. Ayane had her plate of Marrons Glaces. Ryu, Hayate, and Link got their sushi from their fishing. Kasumi had her Strawberry millefuelle. Alpha 152 had nothing. Both Liquid and Snake were fighting over each other's steak. "Give it Liquid dammit!" "Shut up Snake!" "Good god! Shut the fuck up! Your old men for gods sakes!" Kasumi yelled, revealing her darkside. Everyone had stopped eating, and stared at Kasumi. "What? Even the sweet little cherry blossom can't have her own anger moments?" She asked, quite angered by the attention. "Uh...never mind." Hayate said, going back to eating his sushi.

9:00 P.M. Everybody was sitting on the couch, trying to find something to watch. Ryu had the remote. "Hmm...Ooooh!" He turned the channel to Girls Gone Wild. "Oh god, No! Fuck off Ryu!" Dante yelled out, stealing the remote from his hands. "Hmmm..." He went onto TiVO, and selected Code Monkeys.

5 minutes later...

Everybody was laughing like they had seen a man fuck a doorknob.

Todd: "My name is Cock Goblin!"

B. Steve: "Why not Goblin Cock?"

Todd: As much as I love Goblin Cock...

In that instant, the channel had switched over to Gilmore Girls.

"Gilmore girls?! Who the hell watched this?!" Hayate yelled out. Ryu looked to the left, then the right. "I did." GLaDOS said from nowhere. Ryu sighed in relief when he heard this. "Now if you excuse me..." The couch then began to lift, pushing everybody off the couch. The floor was also moved too, making them all fall through the hole. There was Genra, and GLaDOS. "I never found the cake!" Genra yelled out, throwing knives at GLaDOS. "Get this guy off of me." GLaDOS requested. "Nah. I'd pass." Ryu answered. "Please. Do it now." GLaDOS requested again. "Hmm...no." Ayane answered. "This is a order. Not a request." GLaDOS warned. "Try drinking viagra." Dante offered. "That's it. I got a surprise for you..." GLaDOS said, trying to express emotion, but as we all know, no computer expresses emotions (Unless it has porn pop ups all the time. If that's the case, your computer hates you.) "Deploying surprise, 5, 4..." A ball dropped from her. "Wait a minute, that's not supposed to happen." GLaDOS explained, rather embarressed. Ayane took a look at her father. He had bloodshot eyes. "Dad? What the hell is happening?" She asked her father. "THE CAKE IS A LIEEEEEEEE." Her father yelled out, shaking her by the collar of her shirt.

"Do you know what that is? I don't." GLaDOS was trying to figure out what it was. Apparently, her CPU restarts everytime she makes another re-run. Dante kicked the ball slightly. "It'd probably be best to leave it alone." She warned. He kicked it in the air. "I told you, don't touch it." She warned again. Dante kicked it again, towards the wall. "Okay, do touch it. Just pick it up, and stuff it back into me." GLaDOS finally gave in. "Hmm...no...I'm having fun." Dante declined. "Dante...as childish as always." Vergil murmured. The ball bounced back to Dante, who kicked it towards Vergil's head while he wasn't looking. Vergil's face got smacked by the ball, causing it to bounce off his face to the far end of the room. Meanwhile, Kasumi walked into a small control tower, and looked at the button. "Hmm..." She looked to the left, and to the right, and pressed it. The ball had bounced all the way to the back of the room, into the euthanizer burning the eye.

"What? NOOOO!" Her voice then suddenly turned very low. "Good news...I found out what that Aperture Science Licensed Eye did...it prevented me from poisoning the entire mansion with a deadly neurotoxin..." She explained. A rocket turret came up. It aimed towards Genra. "THE CAKE IS A LIE!!" He was brainwashed by GLaDOS. Everybody started running. Ayane saw that her father was in danger, and got in front of him defending him. The rocket shot, but it didn't hit Genra. It hit Ayane. She fell on the ground, writhing in pain, as Batman changed back, into Bruce Way- Wait, wrong thing. She fell on the ground. Dante had looked back, and saw Ayane had fell. He ran back to help her up, but the door closed behind him. "Shit!" He yelled, as he dived through. The neurotoxins started filling the air. "...Crap." He said to himself. Genra, who was now batfuck insane, had wheeled chaired towards Dante, trying to attack him while being brainwashed by GLaDOS. "This isn't brave...it's murder. What did I ever do to you...?" She asked. "First, you didn't shut the hell up. Second, you took over our damn TiVO. Third, you leave us here in a poisoned room!" Dante yelled out. The Rocket Turret Aimed At Dante. Genra made his way to Dante, who pulled out a bottle of water, pouring all over Genra. Genra, coming back to his senses, got away from the missle as it came towards Dante. "Remember that trick...?" He asked himself. He jumped on the rocket, going around and around, and hit the turret, making it splode'.

Upstairs...

"Wait, where's Ayane, Dante, and Genra?" Kasumi asked. Snake looked around. "...Oh SHIT!"

Downstairs...

Dante looked around on how to defeat GLaDOS. "Well, you just wasted one technique." GLaDOS was tiring of Dante already. "Well, it wasn't my fault I'm down here anyways!" Dante was angered by GLaDOS. Agni and Rudra came out of Dante's pocket, and the two blades began walking like legs. "Master! We have come to help you!" Rudra yelled out. "Master, we will do our very bes-" Dante kicked the both of them. "Shut up!" He put them back in his pocket, swapping for his pistol, then aiming it at GLaDOS. Ayane got up. "Dante...don't worry about this." She got out her tanto. "You always get the cool fight scenes...now it's my turn..." She said slowly. Her Tanto had the word 'Beautiful Butterfly' engraved on the edge of the blade. "You try to get that door open. I'll handle her..." She ordered, still clutching her wound from the rocket. Dante nodded, stabbing his blade into the middle of the door, ripping it open with his sword. "As for you..." Ayane aimed her Tanto at GLaDOS. "You get the BSOD..."


	12. GLaDOS's shutdown and new enemies

The Mansion Chapter 11

Hello all of my childre- I mean, reviewers! My computer was acting like crap, so sorry about the delay of chapters.

Ayane walked towards the homocidal computer machine. Something that made her twitch about how sick and twisted the computer was. "So then, let me get this straight, we have a pissed off Gerudian, Hyrulian Treasure, Combine Guards, and now some Homocidal Computer Bitch, all in our basement?" Dante tried to piece together. "That's right." A voice chuckled. Dante recognized the voice. Conker dropped from the ceiling. "Where the hell have you been?" Dante asked, twisting the door. "I've been living in the airvents." Conker answered. "Ah, remind me to turn the hot air on tonight." Dante requested.

Ayane lept at the computer. She stabbed her blade onto GLaDOS, trying to hang on. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" She yelled, trying to keep her balance. "How the hell do you do this?" Ayane asked herself. She looked around. "Hmmm..." She then saw another eye. This one was orange. 'Of course! The eye is her eye! It must be what also powers the OS.' Ayane thought to herself. She reached for the eyeball, trying to rip it off. "Closer...closer...closer..." She whispered to herself, trying to reach for the damn eyeball. She finally got a hold of it, ripping it off. "Ouch." GlaDOS said, emotionless.

Ayane jumped off. "Dad! Quick! Get the switch!" Ayane ordered. Genra wheelchaired as fast as he could to the telecommunications tower. "Oh shit! Stairs!" Luckily, Genra had practiced his wheelchair jump, then BAM! He jumped over the stairs, into the room. He pressed the red button. Ayane ran all the way to the front as fast as she could, and threw the eye in there. A huge scream emmited from the eye. "Ha ha ha! You think that did damage? You hardly even know what pain means." GLaDOS taunted Ayane.

Back at the door…

"Quick Conker! Help!" Dante ordered. "Do I get a reward?" Conker asked. "Don't be so selfish you little furry bastard!" Dante yelled. "Fine." Conker accepted, jumping on the blade, trying to help it turn the door.

Back with Ayane.

"I don't hardly know what pain means?" Ayane tried to piece together. "Yes, you don't. Want to hear how stupid you sound?" Suddenly, Ayane's Xbox Live playing came on the Mic. "God dammit! Shut the fuck up you little whiny piece of shit! What Kasumi? You need tampons?!"

Recording came off.

"Dammit! I thought I turned my mic off!" Ayane yelled. She jumped on GLaDOS again, stabbing her tanto onto GLaDOS. She reached for the other eye, this one was blue. She ripped it off easily this time. "2+2 is 4" GLaDOS said to herself. "Wait a minute. I'm not supposed to say that!" She yelled out. Genra immeadiatly pushed the button. The eyeball dropped down the euthanizer, burning there.

Back at the door…

"Conker! Is the door almost open yet?" Dante asked. "Nope." Conker answered. Dante was pissed off, he was about to die in a room that was filling up with neurotoxins.

Back with Ayane again...

"One more time..." She saw only one eyeball. She jumped back on GLaDOS again, stabbing her tanto into the Operating System once again, hanging on. She reached for the red eyeball, when suddenly the machine started to stop working. On top of the machine, was Christie. Who had deactivated the machine. "Apparently, it hacked into the house. It gave it a virus." Christie explained. "So, our house is a fucking OS?!" Ayane was shocked. "Yep. Hell, your whole house is controlled by the internet." Christie hinted. "..." Ayane was speechless. Every move they took, the Internet saw. "I sure as hell hope it's not on Youtube." Ayane was still shocked.

On Youtube...

"Holy shit! Ayane in the shower video! Aww man...it's been flagged. I must be 18 and over. Damn you!" Little did everyone know, this was a 11-year-old kid who always shouted profanities over Xbox Live.

Back in reality...

The neurotoxins were still in full effect however, and began pouring out the room. "Dante, you got the door open yet?" Ayane asked. "No...hasn't even turned the slightest bi-" The door broke open suddenly. But it wasn't Dante who broke through. It was a strange Octopus look-a-like. It was a female one, as far as her voice. She kept laughing the entire time. "Ha ha! Your going to die! And it's all too fucking funny!" She yelled out. "Who the hell...?" Ayane whispered.

Dante's codec started to ring. He picked it up.

Otacon: Sna- wait, your not Snake! Your the silver haired kid! Aren't you Raiden?

Dante: Raiden? Who the hell is Raiden. And why the hell do I have this?

Otacon: Oh wait, no. Your Dante. Dante, your facing off against Laughing Octopus. She'll try to use her face camo to trick you. Don't fall for it!

Dante: Who the hell are you?

Otacon: Just believe in yourself, and kill her!

Dante: ...

Otacon: Do it for me! Do it for Emm- Wait, she wasn't killed by her, was she?

Dante: Fuck this.

Codec hung up.

His Codec started to ring again. "Dammit." Dante murmured as he answered.

Snake: Dante, I slipped that Codec in your pocket just before you went to sleep last night.

Dante: Why?  
Snake: I don't know...thought it'd be good for the plot.

Dante: Snake, don't be so stupid. A plot like this doesn't need a turn around.

Snake: Sigh. Dante, just shut up and kill her.

Dante: How the hell do I do that?

Snake: Just run around like a maniac. Also, you may have a eyepatch in your pocket. I invented it. I call it, "The Devil Eye."

Dante: Why?

Snake: Once again, I thought it'd be good for a plot. Besides, a good devil hunter ALWAYS has night vision!

Dante: I don't.

Snake: Which is exactly why your second game sucked ass. Snickers Devil May Cry 2...

Dante: SHUT UP!

Codec Hung up.

Dante ran towards Laughing Octopus, punching her on the cheek. She smacked Dante with one of her tenticles. Strange thing was, the tenticle was made out of metal. "Shit!" Dante yelled out. "Only one thing to do..." He saw a stereo (Where the fuck did that come from?), pulled out his "Hatecrew Deathroll Children Of Bodom" CD, and threw it into the stereo. He then pulled out his remote, and pressed the number 7 on it. "Jackpot! Melodic Deathmetal!" The song was "You're Better Of Dead" Ayane smacked her head in Dante's idiocy.

Octopus kept on laughing. "You idiot! Come and get me!" "I will, once you stop acting like you just came from a Dane Cook show." Dante taunted. "Fool!" She dived towards Dante, who rolled out of the way, taking out his massive blade Rebellion. He then dived towards Octopus, stabbing her in the sternum. She had a strange mask on, that made her blend in with the enviorment. Black blood started leaking from her stomach. "Heh...not bad." She pushed Dante out of the way, who clunged onto his Rebellion blade. The black blood stopped leaking out.

She dived onto Dante, and stabbed one of her tenticles into his sternum. "...Laughing Octopus 1, Dante 1." She said calmly. She then stabbed Dante again, and again, and again. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Dante yelled out every time he got stabbed. "Ha ha! Laughing Octopus 4, Dante 1!" She screamed. Ayane watched on in horror as Dante was getting his ass kicked around. Octopus got off of Dante, as he got picked up by one of her tenticles by the head. She swung him around, and threw him into a wall causing it to break. Dante, luckily, had a plan up in his sleeve. "Okay...so you want to play rough now...eh?" He swapped Rebellion for Alastor. Laughing Octopus charged Dante once again, who stood there bracing himself.

She drove one of her tenticles towards Dante, trying to stab him once again, but once she got there, he wasn't there. Instead, the Devil Hunter came behind her after flash stepping out of the way, and sliced her back. "Fuck!" She yelled in pain. "Potty mouth eh?" He said to himself, coldy. She turned around, but Dante wasn't there again. Dante put his hand on her shoulder. She felt a jolt of electricity go through her. She turned around again, but he wasn't there once more. He appeared behind her. "Boo." He whispered in her ear. There he was, with Devil Wings. He grew a sort of transformation known as Devil Trigger. He picked her up by the tenticles, and flew up into the air. He swung her around, micmicking the style that Laughing Octopus picked him up.

He threw her at the wall downwards, falling from about 23 ft. He then flew towards her again, and ripped off her mask. There was a woman, a quite beautiful one at that too. Dante was shocked to see what was under there. A Scandinavian blonde woman. "I don't need these tenticles. I don't need this life. I don't need to laugh..." She kept on laughing though, because she couldn't control it. She walked towards Dante, who had dropped his Devil Wings.

Her tenticles had come off. Dante backed away, not knowing what the hell was going on. His codec started to ring again.

It was Snake, he picked it up.

Snake: Dante! Don't fall for it! It's a trap!

Dante: What the fuck just happened?

Snake: She was forced to torture her family as a teen due to soildiers who imprisoned her. If she didn't, they'd kill her. But she had to do something even worse then dying...

Dante: Which is?

Snake: They made her kill her own family. They called the village the devil's village. Thing was though, it wasn't known for Devils, it was known for octopus.

Dante: You still didn't answer my question. What the fuck did she turn into?

Snake: She turned into a beauty.

Dante: A beauty?

Snake: Yep. It's called the Beauty and the Beast Unit. Also called, the B&Bs. There are four of em'. Laughing Octopus, Raging Vulcan, Crying Wolf, Screaming Mantis.

Dante: So, she sheds her skin, becoming a beauty?

Snake: Yes.

Dante: And the way your telling me this, you haven't faced off against them before, no?

Snake: Uh-...no.

Dante: Your lying.

Snake: No I'm no- Wait, HAYATE? YOU NEED MORE BEERS?

Codec hangs up.

"Fucktard..." Dante murmured, turning backaround trying to find Octopus again. However, she mimicked his tricks and wasn't there. "Cocky bastard..." He whispered. Ayane, who was watching on, turned her back around only to see Octopus standing behind her. She raised her hand, and chopped her in the neck, knocking her out. Dante, who had his pistol out, heard the noise. Aiming his gun at Octopus, and shot. Hitting her right in the throat. She fell down, and cringed into a cradle before screaming her ass off. Dante went over to Ayane, kneeling down and shaking her in a attempt to wake her up. No avail.

"AH SHIT!" He yelled, as the neurotoxins started filling the room. Dante grabbed Ayane and ran out the room, with Genra right behind, and Conker on Genra's shoulder. Dante's codec started to ring. It was Raiden.

Raiden: Dante, can you hear me?

Dante: Raiden, now is NOT the time for a codec call!

Raiden: That hallway is filled with microwaves.

Dante: Who the hell would put microwaves in a cave?

Raiden: I don't know, it's the internet!

Dante: Good point.

Codec Call Ended.

Genra, had installed jets on his wheelchair, started flying across the room. "Ah man! No fair!" Dante yelled out in envy. Dante put Ayane on his back, blocking the microwaves from burning her. The microwaves started taking full effect as Dante first set his boot through the door. "Shit! That burns!" He yelled in pain. He walked across the room filled with microwaves.

Upstairs...

"Guess we should make that funeral soo-" Ryu was cut off Genra bursting through the door. "Yay! We don't need a funeral anymore!" Kasumi yelled in happiness. Dante then went through the door, having half of his trench coat burned off, his hair messed up, and his boots on fire. He fell over on the ground unconcious, as Ayane woke up. "How the hell am I here?" She however, didn't know she was sitting on Dante. Ryu took a look at Dante. He looked like he was dead. "You sure about canceling that funeral Kasumi?" He asked. "Ryu finally said something that wasn't perverted? I must be in the afterlife." Ayane whispered to herself. "Should we tell her?" Link asked. "Nah, let her have her little moment of happiness. You know she doesn't get that much." Hitomi answered.

Later that night...

Dante was laying in his bed, still unconcious. When suddenly, he woke up. "Ah shit...My fucking head." He felt his head, he had a HUGE headache. "Ah shit! GET THE CLARITIN!" He yelled out. He, unluckily, fell out of his bed. Guess where he hit at. His head. "Fuck fuck fuck!" He yelled in pain once more. Dogmeat came into the room, licking Dante on the head. "...At least I have one friend..." He murmured, petting Dogmeat. Link came through the door. "The fuck do you want?" Dante asked. "As great courage...I reward you with this..." He gulped, feeling humilation of giving his enemy his most prized posession: The empty bottle.


	13. Welcome to Zack Island!

I DO NOT Own anything. That also goes for Chapter 11.

The Mansion Chapter 12: Vacation

Dante grabbed the empty bottle. "How the hell is this a reward? I can just get a easier one from just buying a bottle of Vodka."Dante muttered. "What is this vodka?" Link asked. "What? You don't know what Vodk- wait, your from a Rated E game right?" Link nodded. "…Jesus." Dante shook his head. "Alright…I'll take you out to the bar. But ONLY ONCE. You hear me?" Dante offered. "That is the nicest thing anyone has do-" "Alright, go get your green pussy tunic on, and get in my fucking car." Kasumi came into Dante's room, over hearing the conversation. "But Dante, that car is mine…" Kasumi murmured. "But I bought it." Dante explained. "But I hotwired it." Kasumi explained back. "…SHIT! Okay, we'll just have to take the motorcycle." Dante told Link. "I'm going to ride on the back?" Link asked. "Hell no, your riding in the sidecar." Dante pointed at the side car. "Oh dear…" Link said, as he stepped in. Dante jumped on the motorcycle, and drove off.

They came back later that day, stumbling into the house. "I TOLD you not to drink too much Jagermeister Link!" Dante yelled, falling flat on the floor. "Hmm...looks like their fucked..." Kasumi commented, taking the bill out of Links hands. "...64 bottles of Vodka?!" "What? They broke my record?" Ayane came downstairs. Everybody looked at her. "Oops...I shouldn't of said that..." She said, covering her lips. "Well...anyways. I booked us a vacation." Kasumi said in delight. "Where?" Ayane asked. "Well...uh...I bought this island..." Kasumi started to sweat. Ayane eyed her funny. "Don't tell me you spent all of my account money on some stupid island!" Ayane yelled in anger. "Uhm...well..." Kasumi broke down in tears. "Awww...don't worry about it Kas. It's alright. You don't have to be sad because you spent my whole account on some stupid Island that we're only going to be staying for a couple of days." She said as she took a breath.

In the car...

They were about to pass the bridge. A guard was standing there. Dante held out his ID. "Uh...what's this?" He asked. "It's my ID." Dante answered. "Well...take a look at it yourself." The guard gave Dante his ID back. He looked at it, and screamed. It was him in a pedobear suit, aiming a gun at the camera. "Oh god...dude, I was really drunk that day. Please, don't arrest me." Dante pleaded. "You! Your the pedobear!" He yelled, pointing at Dante. "OH SHIT!" Dante drove off, and into a high speed chase on the bridge. Behind him, was Niko Bellic. "I'm doing this for community service!" Niko yelled. "C'mon! We gotta' get to the airport!" Snake yelled. "Shut the fuck up Snake, and shoot that guy!" Dante ordered. Snake nodded, pulling down his window and shooting at Niko's car. He shot one of his tires out. "What the fuck?!" He yelled as he swerved off the bridge. "We lost him." Snake said, as he rolled his windows back up. "Good." Dante said as he kept on driving.

At the airport...

Everybody went for a security check. Ayane went up, and it rang. It said there was something under her shirt. The guard took her shirt off to see if she had any weapons. Turns out she didn't. It was something else...Everybody was speechless, looking at the guard and Ayane. Ayane punched the guard in the mouth, put her shirt back on, and went through. Everybody else walked over the guard.

In the plane...

"We are now pulling off. Please have a safe trip." A computerized voice said. Dante was listening to his iPod. 'Let me see...Shadows Fall? No. Metallica? Not right now. Children Of Bodom? Nah. Dethklok? Sure.' He thought. Ayane was reading a Game Informer magazine. 'Oooh! Resident Evil 5 Preview!' She thought. Kasumi was doing nothing. 'HOW MUCH MORE DO WE HAVE TO GO?! I GOTTA' TAKE A SHIT! HURRY UP RYU!' She thought. Ryu was in the bathroom taking a shit. 'Oh yeah...OOOOOOH YEAH.' He thought. Snake was on his codec.

Otacon: Snake!

Snake: What?

Otacon: I got a new Metal Gear Solid Fanfiction!

Snake: O RLY?

Otacon: YA RLY.

Snake: NO WAI.

Otacon: YA WAI.

Snake: Okay, what is it?

Otacon: It's a comedy.

Snake: Does it feature a bar?

Otacon: Yep.

Snake: I better be in it.

Hayate was drinking booze, as usual. Hitomi was looking at Hayate._ Is he looking at me_? _Is he? Oh god! He's looking at me! I'm a hideous beast! A monster!_ She thought. Her eyes were looking a bit on the druggy side. Christie was on her laptop. '...Someday...I'll kill all of these people...' Christie thought.

The plane had encountered a problem. It stopped flying. The plane crashed. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" Hayate yelled. The plane crashed into the water. They all swam out onto another island. "...Where the hell are we?" Dante asked. "...Look." Ayane answered, pointing at a statue. It was the statue of Zack. Which could only mean one thing. "Oh...good god." Kasumi said quietly. They were greeted by Lisa, Kokoro, Helena, and Lei Feng. Helena stared at Ayane. "You..." She whispered. Ayane glared at her. "IT WASN'T ME!" Ayane yelled out, having enough of Helena's crap. "FOR GODS SAKES! HERE'S HOW IT HAPPENED!"

Flashback...

Hayate was looking out in the city on the rooftop. Ayane had a sniper rifle. "How the hell do you ai-" A sniper shot was heard. But it was from another sniper. Helena had saw Ayane's sniper rifle, and glared at it. However, it was actually Christie, who was standing on the top of the DOATECH building, who shot Helena's mother. And it was Ayane, who was aiming at Victor Donovan. "Uh...Ayane, I think it's time to go." Hayate panicked, grabbing Ayane then leaving the building.

Flashback over...

"That's how it really happened?" Helena asked. "Yes..." Ayane explained, trying to catch her breath. Helena immediatley dived onto Christie. "Bitch! Die!" She yelled as she attempted to stab her with a knife. "Should we leave them there?" Hayate asked. "Yeah, they'll probably stop in the morning." Ayane said as she walked away. They all entered the commisioner room. There was Zack, sitting on the chair. "Oh, so you guys decided to join too, eh?" Zack asked. "Shut up Zack." Ayane said, punching Zack in the jaw and and ripping him out of the seat. "I'm taking over now." Ayane then punched Zack out of a glass window, and into a pool. He fell about 50 ft, if it wasn't for the pool, he'd be dead right now. "She's inside a bad mood today, isn't she?" Dante asked. "She is always in a bad mood." Kasumi whispered.

Later that night...

There was a cliff that was perfect for swan diving. The island did have a hotel too. Ayane stumbled upon this cliff, and she fell off accidentally. "Woah!" She yelled as she fell off the cliff into the body of water. Meanwhile, at the top of the cliff, Dante and Hayate were having a conversation. "Okay...you put that ramp there, and I'll jump off it." Dante said, he was on his motorcycle. "I really don't see a poin-" "Just put the ramp there." Dante ordered. Link nodded, putting a ramp there. Dante immeadiatly drove off the cliff, and onto a ramp. He did a back flip, before crashing his motorcycle onto a rock. "Ouch..." Hayate murmured. Dante and Hayate just became best friends ever since they went drinking together.

Flashback...

At the bar, Both Dante and Hayate were getting drunk as shit. "More vodka Dante?" Hayate asked. After his 97th vodka, Dante rolled off the counter. "I'm fucked..."

Flashback over...

Dante fell off the cliff and into the water. Hayate jumped off the cliff in pursuit of Dante. Dante came up from underwater. "Fuck! That hurt!" Dante yelled in pain. "Idiot. Do you see any places where you could just go and jump off a cliff with a motorcycle?" Ayane asked. "No." Dante answered disappointed. Ryu appeared from underwater. "Ryu? You were underwater?" Ayane asked. "Yep. And guess what else I found? The pole dance videos." Ryu grinned. "..." Ayane was speechless. 'Oh god...he can control me...this is not good...' She thought.

At the hotel. Hayate walked through the door. "So, who am I sharing the room with?" He asked. "Well, the chart says..." He took a look at it.

Room 231: Snake, Meryl, Kasumi, and Ryu

Room 342: Ayane, Hayate, Hitomi, and Dante

Room 212: Christie, Zack, Helena, and Link

Room 243: Master Cheif, Gordon Freeman, Chell, and Alyx Vance. "Well...nothing wron-" He looked back on the list. He saw he was in the same room as Hitomi. "...Jesus."


	14. Trapped, Beers, And Tournaments

I do not own ANYTHING. DO YOU HEAR ME?! (Appears with bloodshot eyes). I need my vodka...

3:00 A.M.

Dante was in the bar, all alone drinking a bottle of vodka. Ayane approached the bar. "Drowning out your sorrows?" Ayane wondered. "Well, when you have 3 drunkards, 1 pervert, 2 pussies, 1 military freak, and 1 normal one, you just gotta' empty out your sorrows somehow..." Dante explained. Ayane grabbed a beer as well, and sat down too. "I guess your right. Let's drink until the morning." Ayane offered. "Sure, I've already had 5 bottles, why stop now?" Dante asked. They both had a toast, and began drinking the night away.

7:00 A.M.

They were still drinking, and still sober. Immediaetly they stopped, then looked at each others eyes. "You think you can outdrink me?" Dante challenged. "Well...we've been drinking from 3:00 to 7:00. I'll make a bet with you." Ayane accepted. They kept on drinking.

8:00 A.M. Snake walked through his room, only to see Meryl. "..." "..." "Meryl?" "Snake?" They both pulled out pistols and aimed it at each other. "Tell me what the fuck your doing here in 25 seconds or less." They both threatened each other by asking the same thing. "I said answer me!" They both asked at the same time again.

At the arcades...

After breakfast, they all decided to go to the arcades. Ryu walked over to a Tekken machine. There was guy playing it, with huge ass spiky hair. "Tekken's gay." Ryu insulted. "Wanna' be-" Immediatly the man recognized him. "Wait a minute...your the guy from DOA!" He yelled. "You! I challenge you to a match at Tekken!" He challenged. "Your that guy from Tekken! We must do battle..." Ryu accepted, dropping his coin in the machine. 5 minutes into the battle, Jin won. "Fuck! Okay, I challenge you to DOA!" Ryu challenged. "Fine! But I'll win just like I did there!" Within 5 minutes, Ryu won. "Bam bitch!" Ryu yelled, throwing a breathmint at Jin's face. "Ow." Jin said. "Aw well..." They both shook hands.

Snake and Link were both playing Time Crisis 4. "Dammit Link! Learn how to aim!" Snake yelled at Link. "I do know how to aim! Just not guns..." Link admitted. "You don't know how to aim a gu- wait, your from a rated E game right?" Snake asked. Link nodded. "Jesus...Alright, when we get back home, I'll teach you how to use guns. BUT ONLY ONCE." Snake offered. 'Woah...De Ja Vu...'Link thought. Hayate was playing Galaga. "Dammit! Dammit! FUCK!" It was his last ship that was blown up. "Brother? May I help?" Kasumi asked. "Sure. You get the second ship." Hayate accepted. Immediately, all the ships blew up. But it wasn't Hayate who had done it. It was Kasumi. Hayate's jaw dropped in disbelief and awe.

The Next Morning...

Everyone was having their breakfast. Ryu burst through the doors. However, there was something in his pants that made his (CENSORED FOR THE GOOD OF ) look like a giraffe. Everybody was shocked. Ryu took a seat. "Hello ladies..." He muttered, starting to eat his cereal. "...What's your secret?" Link asked, whispering. "I have no secret, to tell you the truth..." Ryu lied. "You suck!" A voice called from Ryu's pants. Kasumi recognized who it was. "Nii-san?" She called out. "Kasumi! LET ME OUT! I'M SUFFOCATING!" He yelled, gasping for air. "So...Ayane...want to go out?" Ryu offered. Ayane twitched, throwing up into her bowl. "...That is sick as hell..." Christie muttered. "I just lost my appetite..." Kokoro murmured, putting her plate over to Kasumi's position. "No thanks..." Kasumi whispered, handing the bowl to Lisa, who threw the bowl at Ryu's face. Ryu fell down on the ground, writhing in pain. "That was disgusting as fuck..." Kasumi threw her knife at Ryu's pants, causing it to cut open. Hayate stepped out, gasping for air. "Oh god!" Ryu yelled as he fell on his head. "How did he get in Ryu's pants?" Dante asked. "Well...that's a long story..." Hayate began.

FLASHBACK

It was 9:00 A.M., Hayate was in bed. Ryu unzipped his pants, and hit Hayate in the head with a baseball bat, knocking him out. Ryu then picked up Hayate, shoving him in his pants.

Flashback over

"...OH MY GOD..." Dante ran to the nearest bathroom, however his pukes were still heard. "It smelled like rotten pancakes in there!" Hayate exclaimed. "I need a beer..." Hayate muttered, looking around. After a rather unpleasant breakfast, everyone went to the administrator office. Only to see the biggest shock yet. Sitting at the desk, was Victor Donovan. "...Donovan..." Ryu growled, clenching his fist. "Donovan?!" Ayane was shocked. Kasumi stayed silent. "So...we meet again.." Hayate murmured. "Welcome..." He greeted. "As you may as well know...we haven't had the 5th DOA tournament. As head of the DOATECH, I'm starting the Dead Or Alive 5 tournament soon. And where better to hold it then Zack Island?" "Who the fuck is this guy?" Snake asked. "...His name is Victor Donovan." Ryu explained. "So...it's the rumors were true. Another tournament?" Kasumi figured it out. "The tournament shall begin soon...You have 45 minutes." Victor warned. "...Oh. Shit." Hayate muttered.

In the Girls Locker room...

Everyone was getting ready for the first fight. Everyone stared at the newcomers, Meryl and Alyx. "Who the hell are you two?" Lisa growled. "..." They both stayed silent. Both Ayane and Kasumi were giggling about them. "I bet their B-cups." Ayane joked. Meryl moved in on the conversation. "The hell did you just say?" She hissed. "Step down bitch." Ayane insulted. Meryl pulled out her gun and fired a bullet near Ayane's head. "What? You think some small little bullet is going to itimidate me?" She spat on Meryl's face. Meryl smacked Ayane, who got up and pounced on Meryl.

In the Boys Locker room...

"Hey guys!" Zack yelled. "...Dick." Ryu whispered. "What?!" He shouted. Ryu tossed a kunai at Zack's fist, who got cut from it. "Owie! You cut my wrist! Jerk!" Zack yelled in pain.. Dante chuckled. "Dicknose..." A brown haired man came into the room. "And who the hell are you?" Hayate growled. The man kicked Hayate into a locker, keeping his foot on his chest. "Sol...remember that name." He scowled coldly. "And who is this?" Dante asked, turning the man around. The man pushed Dante into another locker. "You...I remember you." He recalled. "Oh yeah! Your that kid back from my middle school!" Dante remembered.

Flashback

It was in class. Dante cheated on Sol's paper. "Dickweed!" Sol yelled as he smacked Dante.

Flashback over

"Your the kid who I cheated off of!" Dante yelled. "Your in the tournament too?" He asked. "Yep." Dante announced. "Well then..." Sol pulled a knife from his boot, and shoved it in Dante's torso. "Count that as my payback..." Sol hissed. Dante grabbed the knife out of his chest, and threw at the locker. "...Asshole."

At the tournament...

First match: Dante Vs. Link

'Dammit! Why does fate always have to be against me?!' Link thought. 'Awww...I was having fun with the little elven prick...looks like I have to kill him.' Dante thought.

They both stepped up on a tiled floor outdoors. Link was shivering, and even went as far as pissing his own pants. A computerized voice announced the battle. "Ready? Fight!" She yelled. Dante charged Link, leaving a trail of flames behind him. Link couldn't see a thing. Dante then leaped infront of Link, revealing himself. He tackled Link to the ground, punching him continously before picking him up and slamming him down on the ground. Dante had slammed Link so hard, that the floor started to crack. He put his boot on Link's face, and jumped off of it, doing a backflip and landing on Link's torso, causing himself to spit out blood. "Giving up already?" Dante taunted. He jumped off Link to give him a chance to get up. Link struggled back up, trying to stay still, wobbling. Dante charged Link once again, picking him up by the head. He closed his eyes, then opened them again only to reveal bloodshot eyes. Electricity started to surround Dante's arm as he charged Link's body with Electricity. "Wait a minute! That's enough! Let go!" The announcer called out. Dante's electricity flow stopped, and he dropped Link to the ground, who was covered with static. His eyes returned to normal. "Aww man! I was having fun!" Dante whined. "Winner of the first bout, Dante." The announcer announced (Wow, no pun intended.) Link still had electricity flowing around him. He was partially paralyzed, and couldn't move, and was carried out on a stretcher. Everyone looked in awe. "...DAAAAAAAAYUM!" Ryu yelled out.


	15. Epilougue

I Do NOT Own Anything

Hayate sat in the crowds, looking on his paper to see what was coming up next. He read the names of the fights on the first rounds.

Dante (Devil May Cry) Vs. Link (Legend Of Zelda)

Vamp Vs. Snake (Both From Metal Gear Solid)

Nightmare (Soul Calibur) Vs. Hayate

Sol Badguy (Guilty Gear) Vs. Leon S. Kennedy (Resident Evil)

The Apprentice (Star Wars: The Force Unleashed) Vs. Ayane

Astaroth (Soul Calibur) Vs. Nero (Devil May Cry)

Kasumi Vs. Rachel (Ninja Gaiden)

Ryu Hayabusa Vs. Kilik (Soul Calibur)

Hitomi Vs. Christie

Kokoro Vs. Alyx Vance (Half Life)

Lisa Vs. Meryl (Metal Gear Solid)

Hayate looked around to find Nightmare, only to see a huge knight who wields a blade that's bigger then Dante's. Hayate's jaw dropped. 'I have to fight that thing?!' Hayate thought. A bell sounded. "Onto the plate, Sol Badguy and Leon S. Kennedy!" The announcer called out.

Sol jumped off of the bleachers, landing on the ground chuckling. Leon walked off the bleachers, staying silent. "Ready? Fight!" Immediatly, Sol rushed towards Leon, who put his arms up trying to guard himself. It was no use. Sol headbutted Leon into the ground, causing his head to bleed. "He's bleeding already!" The announcer yelled. Sol then picked up Leon, tossing him towards the wall, charging him again. He rammed his head into Leon's stomach, and punching him in the gut repeatedly. Sol threw Leon into the ground. Kasumi took a good look at Leon. "Isn't that...the guy who saved us from torture?" She whispered.

Sol picked up Leon once again, putting his palm on Leon's chest, he flipped him over and slammed him on the ground. "K.O.!" The announcer shouted. "Another domination round..." Ryu sighed.

3rd Match: Astaroth Vs. Ayane

Ayane stepped on the ground. "So, who am I going to kill today?" She asked in delightful puppy eyes. Astaroth stepped on the ground. She immediatly lost her smile. "...You've got to be fucking kidding me." Ayane now became a little pissed. "I'm not kidding, little girl!" Astaroth laughed. Now Ayane became even more pissed. "Little what?"

Ready...Fight!

Ayane jumped all over Astaroth, trying not to get in his way. Astaroth, trying to catch Ayane, ended up punching himself over and over again. "Gaah! Damn you!" Astaroth yelled in fury. Ayane stopped, putting her boot on Astaroth's head and pushing into it. Astaroth's head starting aching, and he screamed in pain. "Beg for mercy!" Ayane now was going onto her more sadistic side. She let go, and put her hand on Astaroth's head. She got ready to strike, and smashed it into the ground. "...One more move." Hayate whispered. Ayane looked at Astaroth's bruised body. "Go ahead...finish me." Braced Astaroth. "Hmmmm...eh. Nah. I forfeit." Ayane gave up. "...Why?" Astaroth asked in confusion. "Because, this tournament is fucking boring." Ayane turned around, and walked away.

Winner: Astaroth.

Meanwhile, in a hotel room...

Dante was watching the tournament out his window. A knock was heard at his door. He went up and answered it, it was Lady (Devil May Cry). "Dante, I just figured out something..." Lady came into his room, looking around. "What is it?" He asked. "Patty is Trish and Vergil's (Devil May Cry) daughter." She confessed. "Wanna' run that by me again?" He turned his head towards her. She just stayed silent, looking at the doorway. Patty stepped out of the doorway, revealing herself. "So...what your telling me is that my brother had a girl with my Co-Worker?" Dante asked. "Bingo." Lady flipped a coin at Dante, who caught it in mid-air. "And why did you come all the way down to tell me this?" Dante asked. "...You are her baby-sitter." Lady gave Dante the job. "That's your pay." She smiled. "...You're joking, right?" Dante coldy accepted. "Well...your the uncle." Lady slammed the door, and left. "I can't believe this! The least she could've done was give me a few dollars, not a measly little nickel!" Dante yelled in fury. "I swear, if I find her when I come back, I'm gonna-" "Uncle Dante...wanna' do something fun?" Patty asked. Dante sighed. "Fine. Let's go and watch the tournament..." They both left through the door and bumped into a service manager. "Oh, uh, excuse me. We were heading for the tournament." Dante was now on his more polite side. "Oh I'm sorry, but the tournament's over for today." The Manager now made Dante's life a living hell. "Son of a bitch!" He yelled. "Don't curse uncle." Patty was late to the party.

Everyone charged down to the Cafe, and grabbed a seat. The crew from The Mansion (Including Patty) were each sitting at the same table. "So, Dante. Who's the kid?" Ayane asked. "Oh her? Uh...I'm her care taker." "Oh, so your..." Ryu then made sex motions with his hands, while trying to hold out his laughter. "No! I-I-I didn't do that! Okay, let me explain. My brother fucked my co-worker." Dante was now sweating with embaressment. Everyone laughed. "Bro-Worker?!" Hayate yelled laughing. "Shut the fuck up!" Dante got up from his seat, and walked away in anger. "Come on Patty, let's get away from these dicks." Dante ordered.

At night...

The tournament started again. Everybody rushed downstairs into the bleachers. Donovan watched out his window. "Boss...the preparations are ready." A employee informed. "Yes...you will get your raise today after this." Donovan complimented. "Thank you sir." He thanked.

The first round had passed. The results were in:

Dante (Devil May Cry) Vs. Link (Legend Of Zelda) Result: Dante

Vamp Vs. Snake (Both From Metal Gear Solid) Result: Vamp

Nightmare (Soul Calibur) Vs. Hayate: Result: Nightmare

Sol Badguy (Guilty Gear) Vs. Leon S. Kennedy (Resident Evil) Result: Sol

Astaroth (Soul Calibur) Vs. Ayane Result: Astaroth

That Naked Guy Vs. Nero (Devil May Cry) Result: That Naked Guy (Nero lost as a result from too much nose bleeding.)

Kasumi Vs. Rachel (Ninja Gaiden) Result: Rachel

Ryu Hayabusa Vs. Kilik (Soul Calibur) Result: Ryu

Hitomi Vs. Christie Result: Christie

Kokoro Vs. Alyx Vance Result: Alyx

Lisa Vs. Meryl Result: Meryl

It was now time for the starting of the second round. Ryu vs. Dante. When all of a sudden...

"This will be the biggest plot change ever since Fight Club!" He laughed maniacally. He pressed the trigger. "So then...Ryu Hayabusa, the super ninja?" "Well now...Dante, the legendary devil hunter?" They both stepped onto the ground, when suddenly a big ass explosion came from underground, causing the hole arena to blow up. Everyone evacuated, but DOATECH guards were sweepping through, and they all needed a route to escape. "Where can we escape?!" Dante was busting balls. "I have a Spartan ship." Master Cheif answered. "Well hurry the fuck up and get us out of here!" Hayate was also busting balls. They all followed Master Cheif to the ship, and got in. "Alright...tell me where the hell did you get this thing?!" Master Cheif sat in the pilot seat. "That...isn't of any importan-" It was too late. The fire had swepped up the ship, and turned into a tornado. "Oh god! We're trapped!" Kasumi yelled. Ayane was totaling up everyone who was in the ship. She counted everybody, but one was missing. "Wait...where's Link?!" He was missing. "Oh shit..." Dante realized that he left Link on the island. As a result, the ship flew off like a catapult. The ship fell into the ocean, as the firery abyss covered the island...

To Be Continued...

OMFGGGGGZZZZ CLIFF HANGERZ ENDINGZZZZ. Yeah well this story sucked. I didn't want to do it anymore. But I do have a sequel in the makings, and it will be a surprise...


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